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[Susan Trickett <gmasue AT inbox.com>]

Hi Roxann,
      One of the important things that I strived for as a parent was to make 
my children understand the importance of doing what they thought was the 
right thing to do and not to worry about what other people thought. 
Remembering that most people spend most of their time thinking about 
themselves and very little thinking about you/others.
       I'm 53 and my youngest is 26. Last year at this time I faced similar 
feelings as you are but with different circumstances. I finally realized that 
I had to let go. Very hard for a Mom to do but what I've learned this past 
year is that letting go often results in that person coming back to you, 
children, probably not spouses. If they do come back it's with a different 
outlook and appreciation. Be prepared to feel depressed, your heart will hurt 
and you'll find that you need more sleep the first week or so as your body 
heals itself from the stress and emotional pain you're going through now. 
Then within a month you will start to feel better. All along, I knew the 
decision I'd made was the right one but it still hurt and was the hardest one 
I've ever made in my life.
       Before you know it the kids will be grown and you'll be mad at 
yourself that you gave up your dream. By keeping your homestead you will be 
providing a safe haven for your kids should the world take a nose dive. 
Instead of talking about living the life you dream of you are modeling it to 
you kids. They will feel that their dreams are worth pursuing and not let 
others stand in the way.
      You are not being a "bad" mother, irresponsible or selfish by choosing 
what's in your heart. You are allowing your children to make their own 
decisions which is part of letting them grow up. You are allowing them also 
to see that life can be a series of hard choices at time. They know you love 
them. You and your children will be fine. It might be a good idea if you 
could get your hubby to sign over the farm to you so you don't end up in more 
debt and have to split it with him when the works been done and the farms 
worth more.

            Sue

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