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[bob ford <bobford79 AT yahoo.com>]

Roxann, becuase it sounds like your husband is a good man with a different 
dream , that is the way I'm going to approach my reply.  If you have a 22 
year old son, you are older than I had, before, thought.  I'm guessing that 
you are around 40, give or take.  Your photo makes you look younger than 
that, but, because of the age of your son, I'll use 40 as a reference.

  If you are 40, you have probably 25 - 30 years of good, productive life, 
before you start to become  sick or stiff or sore doing outdoor and homestead 
things, the way you now enjoy. How do you want to spend that time?   As 
cliche as it is , we really do only live once.  And, 25 years will go be 
faster than you can imagine.  

I've been reading both of your blogs for some time now (the musings and the 
ginseng blog).  You seem genuinely happy where you are doing what you are 
doing.  That says a lot.  

Your children apparently are old enough to make their own decisions, but 
young enough that those decisions can change again, and again.

You are not like me, or you wouldn't already be on your own homestaed.  I've 
been thinking and talking on this list, and have already bought land,-- all 
for years.  But, time marches and something always seems to block my way.  
You are already there; and happy.  You would be going backwards.

But remeber that talk is easy.  I haven't yet done what you and yours have 
already done.  It is 5:00 am and I'm waiting for daylight to go to my 
backyard and check my city garden plot.  

You did ask what kind of person does this make you.  It makes you a 
thoughtful person, willing to entertain the effects of your decisions on 
veryone.  That's enough.  None are small children, you can't live their lives 
for them, anyway.

Lynn and some other men or women who have done , alone, what you are thinking 
about doing , alone, would give better practical advice.  My advice is simply 
that I think those for who you care will be happiest, when you are 
happiest...........bobford


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--- On Sun, 11/23/08, roxann <roxann AT ancientearthwisdom.com> wrote:

> From: roxann <roxann AT ancientearthwisdom.com>
> Subject: [Homestead] Give up the dream? My dilemma
> To: homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org
> Date: Sunday, November 23, 2008, 3:19 AM
> My husband is calling it quits. It is too hard for him out
> here. He wants to move back down to Louisiana where his
> older daughter and grand-daughter lives. She and I are not
> the best of friends. She's been guilt tripping my
> husband since we left, trying to make him move back home.
> Now it turns out that my daughter (16) and son (12) also
> want to move back. They all think it is too hard to try and
> make a homestead and live on less money. Well, my youngest
> just wants some concrete to skateboard on, which I'm
> planning to pour where the old house stood once we finished
> the new house. My feelings on this is that if my husband
> would have gotten our house built sooner, and built a
> simpler house, the comfort level here would have been so
> much more tolerable and they would not have wanted so badly
> to leave. As it is, we've been living in an old house
> that is barely above deer camp comfort for 3 years and
> winter is here and it's cold, and we're still in
> this old house. 
> 
> It's 4 a.m. and I just went outside and spent some time
> in the new house we're building to try and sort things
> out. I can't even imagine leaving it and never even
> spending one night in the new house. I can't imagine not
> waking up and stepping out onto the porch to have coffee and
> watch the sunrise and birds wake up in the mornings. I
> can't imagine selling off my horses, chickens and dogs.
> I just can't imagine not being here. But I also
> can't imagine how lonely it might be if my kids AND my
> husband left. Well, I can imagine that easier than leaving.
> And that's the problem. What kind of person does it make
> me if I'm willing to let them go without me? I'd be
> choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much
> importance does my own happiness matter when it comes to
> ethical/moral decisions like this? It hurts so bad to be
> this close to finally living my dreams and then be forced to
> choose between my dreams and my family. 
> 
> At any rate, I'm not going to make a choice right now.
> My husband still has to find a job down there. He hasn't
> been working in 7 years, so i imagine that it will not be
> easy. If he does get one, then I'm still not quitting my
> own job right away to move because I want to at least finish
> this house and spend one night in it. Plus, in these
> economic times who knows which companies will fold and which
> will stand? I like having a job right now. Which will mean
> spending at least one year away from the family. By that
> time, maybe my youngest will decide to come home and my
> daughter will be in college. My oldest is dead set on
> staying in this area, so he'd still be here, but
> he's 22 and looking to get married and start his own
> life. I'd let him build here, but it really is too far
> out to be practical for a young couple trying to get
> started, so they need a house closer to pavement to make
> working more economical. And my husband has been dead set
> against having any of the kids build 
>  here. We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry
> with my husband at this point that I don't care what he
> decides to do.
> 
> But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral
> issue of letting the family go while I stay behind to try
> and get this homestead functioning on my own. Would you stay
> or would you hang it all up and go? I know for a fact I will
> not be happy on a soul-level if I go, however I'm sure I
> would eventually find some way to live a semi-satisfied
> life. thing is, this dream is not a passing fancy of mine,
> it's been with me since childhood. Not sure what it will
> do emotionally to get this close and walk away. Not sure of
> the same when it comes to letting kids leave without me. I
> hate this choice! I would rather have never gotten so close
> :(
> 
> Roxann, NW AR
> http://blog.ancientearthwisdom.com (Ozark Musings from the
> homestead)
> 
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