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[Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>]

On Nov 23, 2008, at 3:19 AM, roxann wrote:

> My husband is calling it quits. . . . Now it turns out that my  
> daughter (16) and son (12) also want to move back.

Your daughter is formed. She is beginning her adult life. A son of  
twelve identifies with his role-model father.

> . . . I just can't imagine not being here.

You could do it but you would long, perhaps forever, be angry and  
unhappy.

> But I also can't imagine how lonely it might be if my kids AND my  
> husband left. Well, I can imagine that easier than leaving. And  
> that's the problem. What kind of person does it make me if I'm  
> willing to let them go without me?

That makes you a person with a passion that must be pursued. Do not  
consider what anybody might think of you. Each life is special and  
each person must follow their own dreams. It only matters what you  
think of yourself.

> I'd be choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much  
> importance does my own happiness matter when it comes to ethical/ 
> moral decisions like this? It hurts so bad to be this close to  
> finally living my dreams and then be forced to choose between my  
> dreams and my family. We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry  
> with my husband at this point that I don't care what he decides to do.


Marriage is a separate issue. I have no regrets that my history  
includes three divorces.
> But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral issue of  
> letting the family go while I stay behind to try and get this  
> homestead functioning on my own. Would you stay or would you hang it  
> all up and go? I know for a fact I will not be happy on a soul-level  
> if I go, however I'm sure I would eventually find some way to live a  
> semi-satisfied life. thing is, this dream is not a passing fancy of  
> mine, it's been with me since childhood.

My guideline follows what Hemingway said: what's moral is what you  
feel good after. That is useful here only in degree. If you stay and  
pursue your passion you will certainly feel bad about not being  
involved in your children's daily lives. If you go and turn your back  
on your dream you will certainly feel bad. Your children are now old  
enough that they carry you and your teachings within them. The pain of  
their absence will subside. The pain of your lost dream would never  
subside.

Leave all doors open, both ways. One or more of the children may come  
back. They might spend all their summers with you. You might visit  
them for holidays and birthdays. And if you find the pain of  
separation is too great to bear, you will always have the option of  
joining them wherever they may be. After they are on their own you  
could then come back to your dream.

Cliches, but true: we only live once; live to avoid regrets; to thine  
own self be true.