Skip to Content.
Sympa Menu

homestead - Re: [Homestead] Give up the dream? My dilemma

homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org

Subject: Homestead mailing list

List archive

Chronological Thread  
  • From: Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>
  • To: roxann <roxann AT ancientearthwisdom.com>, homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org
  • Subject: Re: [Homestead] Give up the dream? My dilemma
  • Date: Sun, 23 Nov 2008 07:52:47 -0700


On Nov 23, 2008, at 3:19 AM, roxann wrote:

My husband is calling it quits. . . . Now it turns out that my daughter (16) and son (12) also want to move back.

Your daughter is formed. She is beginning her adult life. A son of twelve identifies with his role-model father.

. . . I just can't imagine not being here.

You could do it but you would long, perhaps forever, be angry and unhappy.

But I also can't imagine how lonely it might be if my kids AND my husband left. Well, I can imagine that easier than leaving. And that's the problem. What kind of person does it make me if I'm willing to let them go without me?

That makes you a person with a passion that must be pursued. Do not consider what anybody might think of you. Each life is special and each person must follow their own dreams. It only matters what you think of yourself.

I'd be choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much importance does my own happiness matter when it comes to ethical/ moral decisions like this? It hurts so bad to be this close to finally living my dreams and then be forced to choose between my dreams and my family. We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry with my husband at this point that I don't care what he decides to do.


Marriage is a separate issue. I have no regrets that my history includes three divorces.

But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral issue of letting the family go while I stay behind to try and get this homestead functioning on my own. Would you stay or would you hang it all up and go? I know for a fact I will not be happy on a soul-level if I go, however I'm sure I would eventually find some way to live a semi-satisfied life. thing is, this dream is not a passing fancy of mine, it's been with me since childhood.

My guideline follows what Hemingway said: what's moral is what you feel good after. That is useful here only in degree. If you stay and pursue your passion you will certainly feel bad about not being involved in your children's daily lives. If you go and turn your back on your dream you will certainly feel bad. Your children are now old enough that they carry you and your teachings within them. The pain of their absence will subside. The pain of your lost dream would never subside.

Leave all doors open, both ways. One or more of the children may come back. They might spend all their summers with you. You might visit them for holidays and birthdays. And if you find the pain of separation is too great to bear, you will always have the option of joining them wherever they may be. After they are on their own you could then come back to your dream.

Cliches, but true: we only live once; live to avoid regrets; to thine own self be true.




Archive powered by MHonArc 2.6.24.

Top of Page