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["roxann" <roxann AT ancientearthwisdom.com>]

My husband is calling it quits. It is too hard for him out here. He wants to 
move back down to Louisiana where his older daughter and grand-daughter 
lives. She and I are not the best of friends. She's been guilt tripping my 
husband since we left, trying to make him move back home. Now it turns out 
that my daughter (16) and son (12) also want to move back. They all think it 
is too hard to try and make a homestead and live on less money. Well, my 
youngest just wants some concrete to skateboard on, which I'm planning to 
pour where the old house stood once we finished the new house. My feelings on 
this is that if my husband would have gotten our house built sooner, and 
built a simpler house, the comfort level here would have been so much more 
tolerable and they would not have wanted so badly to leave. As it is, we've 
been living in an old house that is barely above deer camp comfort for 3 
years and winter is here and it's cold, and we're still in this old house. 

It's 4 a.m. and I just went outside and spent some time in the new house 
we're building to try and sort things out. I can't even imagine leaving it 
and never even spending one night in the new house. I can't imagine not 
waking up and stepping out onto the porch to have coffee and watch the 
sunrise and birds wake up in the mornings. I can't imagine selling off my 
horses, chickens and dogs. I just can't imagine not being here. But I also 
can't imagine how lonely it might be if my kids AND my husband left. Well, I 
can imagine that easier than leaving. And that's the problem. What kind of 
person does it make me if I'm willing to let them go without me? I'd be 
choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much importance does my own 
happiness matter when it comes to ethical/moral decisions like this? It hurts 
so bad to be this close to finally living my dreams and then be forced to 
choose between my dreams and my family. 

At any rate, I'm not going to make a choice right now. My husband still has 
to find a job down there. He hasn't been working in 7 years, so i imagine 
that it will not be easy. If he does get one, then I'm still not quitting my 
own job right away to move because I want to at least finish this house and 
spend one night in it. Plus, in these economic times who knows which 
companies will fold and which will stand? I like having a job right now. 
Which will mean spending at least one year away from the family. By that 
time, maybe my youngest will decide to come home and my daughter will be in 
college. My oldest is dead set on staying in this area, so he'd still be 
here, but he's 22 and looking to get married and start his own life. I'd let 
him build here, but it really is too far out to be practical for a young 
couple trying to get started, so they need a house closer to pavement to make 
working more economical. And my husband has been dead set against having any 
of the kids build here. We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry with 
my husband at this point that I don't care what he decides to do.

But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral issue of letting 
the family go while I stay behind to try and get this homestead functioning 
on my own. Would you stay or would you hang it all up and go? I know for a 
fact I will not be happy on a soul-level if I go, however I'm sure I would 
eventually find some way to live a semi-satisfied life. thing is, this dream 
is not a passing fancy of mine, it's been with me since childhood. Not sure 
what it will do emotionally to get this close and walk away. Not sure of the 
same when it comes to letting kids leave without me. I hate this choice! I 
would rather have never gotten so close :(

Roxann, NW AR
http://blog.ancientearthwisdom.com (Ozark Musings from the homestead)