Homestead mailing list

["Marie McHarry" <mmcharry AT gmail.com>]

On Sun, Nov 23, 2008 at 4:19 AM, roxann <roxann AT ancientearthwisdom.com> wrote:
> It's 4 a.m. and I just went outside and spent some time in the new house 
> we're building to try and sort things out. I can't even imagine leaving it 
> and never even spending one night in the new house. I can't imagine not 
> waking up and stepping out onto the porch to have coffee and watch the 
> sunrise and birds wake up in the mornings.>

I know exactly how you feel, and I think you answered your own question.


<< I can't imagine selling off my horses, chickens and dogs. I just
can't imagine not being here. But I also can't imagine how lonely it
might be if my kids AND my husband left. Well, I can imagine that
easier than leaving. And that's the problem. What kind of person does
it make me if I'm willing to let them go without me? >>

And then there's the other question, What kind of people does that
make them? The kids, of course, had not much choice in the move, but
your husband did. Not liking it doesn't make him a bad person, but
liking it doesn't make you one either.

<<I'd be choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much
importance does my own happiness matter when it comes to ethical/moral
decisions like this? It hurts so bad to be this close to finally
living my dreams and then be forced to choose between my dreams and my
family.>>

My most frightening nightmares are that I find myself back in Chicago
and can't get out. It always makes me wake up in a sweat. There exists
no reason at all that I would ever have to move back, but it still
haunts me (mostly on nights when my digestion is bad).
>
> At any rate, I'm not going to make a choice right now. My husband still has 
> to find a job down there. He hasn't been working in 7 years, so i imagine 
> that it will not be easy.

I  don't know what he does when he's working, but jobs -- you may have
heard -- are not easy to come by these days. I would expect that your
kids will stay at least until he has a job and a place to live....
that may be a very long time.

>We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry with my husband at this point 
>that I don't care what he decides to do.

This may be the answer to your questions. Sounds like your marriage is
not long for the world regardless of what you decide to do.
>
> But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral issue of letting 
> the family go while I stay behind to try and get this homestead functioning 
> on my own. Would you stay or would you hang it all up and go? I know for a 
> fact I will not be happy on a soul-level if I go, however I'm sure I would 
> eventually find some way to live a semi-satisfied life.>>

Again, I think that answers your question.

Marie