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[Cathy <goosecreekfarm AT gmail.com>]

Bev-

Do you feel the general hostility near your home or just when you venture
toward Atlanta-like locations?  I have been in places where I felt some kind
of tension, but not everywhere.

This is probably going to sound weird.  I've never tried to articulate this
before.  Can you tune out the crowd tension?  I know that I can tune in to
the general emotional ambiance, if I attend to it.  Mostly I don't.  I feel
kind of silly writing this, but feeling the ugliness hurts.  People _are_ on
the defensive; they're not open to each other, in general.

you wrote

**I'm the same, Lynda.  I suspect that most on this list are fiercely
independent people...we've all come through 'something', some kind of
adversity.    IMO, though, I still think that we are that way because we
FEAR being controlled by someone else and giving what little power each
of us have to someone else.  Of course it is not shiverinyourboots fear,
but I know there are certain things that I won't do because I would not
be the one in control. (Skydiving, for example)**

Don't you think some of us were born fiercely independent?  I think I was--I
told my father he looked like a monkey and ran away when I was 3 years old.
(Of course, I just went a few mobile homes over...)    My childhood was not
traumatic, but I wouldn't call my family nurturing, either.  My mom, bless
her heart, has some pretty serious personal issues--her children were not
very high on her list of concerns.  I've always imagined myself with loads
of power, though, at least over myself.  I've been through some pain lately,
because I chose to exercise my power by staying in an unhealthy situation.
I found my psycho/emotional power limits, and I got out beyond them.
Running out of power was no fun.

you also wrote

**People are just plain out mean
to each other. My friend A is one of those people like Lynn who sees a
friendly universe...she is a happy person who associates with other
happy people.  She just doesn't even see the meanness, but I do...and
you do...why is that?  For me, I think it is because I have been on the
receiving end of the MEAN.  I have been a victim, and despite efforts
not to continue to be a victim, it has jaded my world.   Friend A and I
can be watching TV and see a show, let's say, oh,,,, SouthPark......she
sees it as funny(apparently it was meant to be), I see it as demeaning
...why is that?**

You know Bev, I would have agreed with your friend A until the past few
years.  An optomist like myself remembers the pleasant and tends to gloss
over the negative.  Recently, though, I've encountered people who are just
plain mean--too many to gloss over. Thinking back, I see that were many mean
people in my life.  I just (subconsciously) chose not to focus on
them.   Lately, I have absolutely no time for scheming, calculating
individuals.  I wonder why people make the effort required to be so mean.
They plot meanness in their spare time.  Boggles my mind. I don't go in for
demeaning comedy, either.

My homestead-y fantasies started early, too, thanks to Johanna Spyri.  I
read Heidi scores of times as a youngster, usually by the light coming
through the crack of my bedroom door when I was supposed to be asleep.  I
wanted to run with Peter and the goats, sleep on a hay bed in the loft and
eat toasted bread and cheese.  I also wanted to help people learn (to read,
etc) and reach out to hurting folk.  In a very real way, it's what I've been
able to do.  So you're right; it's the result of a part of my childhood, but
it's a happy part.

Cathy