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[EarthNSky <erthnsky AT bellsouth.net>]

Well, it *was* just a theory... :)
Actually, what you are talking about is a bit different from what I mean
when I think of hostile universe.  It is that, but it is also more...I
meant more than just people, but with the people aspect, I did not mean
any 'types' of people, just people in general.  Whenever I get in large
crowds, I feel the tension, the stress, of that crowd.  It is not
exactly directed at me, not like personal hostility, but I feel and
sense hostility in general, like people are all on the defensive and not
open with each other.  I sense it while I am driving on the highway
even, like every other car is being driven by someone who is on the
ragged edge of control-someone who might break out into road rage in a
flash.  These days, you don't bump into anyone, let alone shoot someone
a bird,,,you could be shot!  So when I think hostile universe-with
people-this is the kind of hostility I see, feel, and experience.  Just
sit and watch people..no one smiles..you see anger on their faces..  But
for me it is more than just people...the natural world can be very
hostile...if I decided to spend the night outside tonight, I'd probably
be dead in the morning....The weather is notoriously hostile.  And how
many lives has the ocean claimed? Think about the hostility vs. the
friendliness of volcanoes, for example.  And then there is the coldness
of space...not very friendly or forgiving..quite hostile in fact...
But back to people...

Lynda wrote:
> Hmmm, I guess I'm just the odd one out.  I mean, if you look in the 
> dictionary for dysfunctional family you'll find a picture of my 
> mother, who I call "mommy dearest." <g>  The only "normal" childhood
>  I had was the time I lived with my granparents.  What it did to me 
> was make me fiercely independant and not wanting to rely on others.

I'm the same, Lynda.  I suspect that most on this list are fiercely
independent people...we've all come through 'something', some kind of
adversity.    IMO, though, I still think that we are that way because we
FEAR being controlled by someone else and giving what little power each
of us have to someone else.  Of course it is not shiverinyourboots fear,
but I know there are certain things that I won't do because I would not
be the one in control. (Skydiving, for example)

> Although, I do wonder if some of it isn't because every time "they" 
> tried to tell me something I would find that they were talking out 
> their collective assets.  "They" kept telling me how evil Communists
>  were and Grampa Harry was a Communist and he kept the fridge and 
> freezer supplied with the fixings for rootbeer floats because that 
> was my favorite when I was 5.  I mean, "evil" = rootbeer floats?  I 
> don't think so <g>  "They" said that all "good" people said the 
> Pledge and only "evil" people wouldn't.  My 3rd grade teacher was a 
> JW and a very "good" person and "they" made her cry because she 
> wouldn't say the Pledge.  Our teacher = "evil"?  I don't think so. 
> "They" said that Sonny Barger (prez of the Hells Angels) was an evil,
>  vicious person.  He owned a house that backed up to my Dad's and was
>  the only neighbor who didn't holler at my little sister and I when I
>  balls went over the fence.  In fact, he played ball with us.  That 
> nice guy = evil?  I don't think so.

The above is a great example of what I mean by hostile universe.  It is
not just some people, it is MOST people.  People are just plain out mean
to each other. My friend A is one of those people like Lynn who sees a
friendly universe...she is a happy person who associates with other
happy people.  She just doesn't even see the meanness, but I do...and
you do...why is that?  For me, I think it is because I have been on the
receiving end of the MEAN.  I have been a victim, and despite efforts
not to continue to be a victim, it has jaded my world.   Friend A and I
can be watching TV and see a show, let's say, oh,,,, SouthPark......she
sees it as funny(apparently it was meant to be), I see it as demeaning
...why is that?


> At anyrate, I come from a whole bunch of dysfunctional (alcoholic 
> mother who was abusive) and I have very few fears.  Sorry if I messed
>  up the theory :(


Oh no, that's fine.  In the first place it was just a theory, and not a
fully developed theory at that.  Secondly, I am not very good at
expressing what I mean.  I just view the world so differently than some
people..I see hostility, artificiality, and negativity, but some people
never see that.  I just think that perhaps the more dysfunction one has
in their lives when they are children, the more 'negative' their
universe as adults.  Now, as an adult, I empower myself by choosing my
own environment which is my homestead...a place that is not hostile, not
artificial, and not negative..it is a place of my doing, my creation,
and it is positive.  I need that like air.  When I need to center, I
simply need to immerse myself in my homestead doings and shut off the
outside world..then, I feel safe and secure.

Bev



> ----- Original Message ----- From: "EarthNSky" 
> <erthnsky AT bellsouth.net>
> > I wish I could say that.  For me, the world has been a scary place
> >  since I was a little kid.  I do believe that I live far away from
> >  most people to gain a sense of security that I don't feel living 
> > amongst others in society. Lynn, was your childhood 'normal'?  I 
> > have a theory that people who grew up in households where there was
> >  minimal dysfunction generally have fewer fears about things, 
> > whereas people like me who grew up in abusive households never 
> > quite process it all well, end up having scary dreams, and then of
> >  course that affects their waking life and adulthood.


--
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will
not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius
will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the
world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone
are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve
the problems of the human race"

~ Calvin Coolidge