permaculture

[Cory Brennan <cory8570@yahoo.com>]

Thanks for asking this question, Dick. I'm a girl too, not obvious by my 
name. I don't always follow this rule myself but almost always get a better 
result when I do.

If you're having a negative reaction to someone's communication and you want 
to respond negatively, it is often good to first clarify some things about 
the situation. Asking questions to get more information can have more than 
one result - it can provide information that can change your perception, it 
can sometimes get the other person to think about his own position more 
deeply, it can bring out facets where both people agree strongly or can find 
common ground that can be used to explore differences more fruitfully.

One can consider differences of opinion a sort of "edge" environment, where 
learning can occur, new ideas can form, synthesis can occur, more depth can 
be achieved. If it is approached in this way instead of from the viewpoint of 
 differences being threatening or something to "conquer", much new growth is 
possible and a stronger system could result. 

One difference I've observed between masculine and feminine communication 
(and men or women can do either type - I do - it could also be called 
yin/yang or a number of other things - probably there is a better way to 
describe the dichotomy), is that a purpose in masculine communication can be 
to dominate or "win" the point.  Feminine energy does not necessarily have a 
pony in the race, and so can just "be" involved in the communication and 
learn or contribute as the opportunity arises. 

It's been my experience that forming conscious community is difficult without 
communication skills being encouraged within the community. One can call 
these skills non-violent, emotionally mature, kind, compassionate, or a dozen 
other tags.  The outcome of such communication is greater understanding 
between parties, rather than upset. 

I appreciate the communication on these philosophical subjects on this list. 
The result has been greater understanding of and affinity for individuals on 
the list as well as being able to consider a diversity of viewpoints.  

Cory

--- On Fri, 8/20/10, Dick Pierce <dickpiercedesigns@gmail.com> wrote:

> From: Dick Pierce <dickpiercedesigns@gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [permaculture] WTF?
> To: "permaculture" <permaculture@lists.ibiblio.org>
> Date: Friday, August 20, 2010, 8:48 AM
> Linda, thanks for stirring this pot,
> this way - I am a product of a "boy's
> rules" culture, so much so that I do not think about it or
> realize it most
> of the time - sorry to hear that this is another facet of
> being an ugly
> American [male] but can see where it comes from and how it
> can be viewed
> that way.
> 
> I find my self turning off more and more to the long,
> multi-author message
> strings on this web site - some of the content is only
> marginally of
> interest, but the tone of some and the knife-like swipes of
> many are
> irritating and counter productive, in my opinion.
> 
> I have been involved in a couple of local conversations
> lately - from which
> I have withdrawn with considerable upset - where it became
> clear that the
> object was winning, or winning someone over to one's
> thinking/theory, and
> the tactics included: put-downs, insults, slander, louder
> and louder voices,
> more and more attacking, etc. I use this as a close-to-home
> analogy for some
> of the stuff I'm half-way reading on this listserve.
> 
> Boys Rules or what ever it is may be OK in personal,
> in-person conversation
> between consenting adults/children - it's not, to me, in
> impersonal, remote,
> non-visible, non-consenting,
> don't-know-you-or-your-culture-very-well/at all
> mass communication. I like a Baha'i Faith saying that
> goes:"Let a kindly
> tongue be the lodestone of your heart." Another, source
> unknown: "Is this
> the best thing I can say/do in this situation, for the
> good/benefit of the
> largest number?" I like the concept of communication and
> dialogue for this
> listserve - far better than polarizing or winning a point
> or building a
> following. That's my wish/opinion.
> 
> One question pops out at me - being a product of
> boy's/men's rules and
> American society and business,................what are
> "girl's rules" or
> "boy's/girl's" rules, and how does this play toward what
> I'd guess I'd like
> called "[compassionate, caring, nice, kind, inclusive,
> polite, constructive,
> learning/teaching, _____ ] adult rules? I'm serious in
> asking - I'd like
> very much to have such a list - perhaps I and others could
> merge/select from
> the two lists and be better people, communicators, and
> list-servers.
> 
> I hope that I'll become a better listener for the great
> info and talent and
> knowledge and perspective of the many folks that tune in to
> and communicate
> on this listserve
> 
> Dick Pierce - Martha's Vineyard, MA & Austin, TX
> 
> On Thu, Aug 19, 2010 at 3:18 PM, <LBUZZELL@aol.com>
> wrote:
> 
> > In a message dated 8/19/2010 12:09:00 P.M. Pacific
> Daylight Time,
> > slowfoodguy@yahoo.com
> writes:
> >
> > Surely  this artifact of paternal-lineaged,
> sky-god agriculture will pass
> > just as fast  as our use of oil;o)
> >
> > Thanks, slowfoodguy.  Good food for thoughts...
> >
> > Linda
> >
> >
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> 
> -- 
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