Homestead mailing list

[EarthNSky <erthnsky AT bellsouth.net>]

Thanks Cathy for stepping up and attempting to tackle this.  There have
been a few developments this evening.
First, I want to reiterate that I only wanted two things:
1. a copy of the obit
2. to talk with my sister
I was very frustrated this afternoon when my stepfather called to talk
about Thanksgiving.  I told him what I had done-the lengths I had gone
to to accomplish those two goals, and he offered to call my wicked
stepmother and sweet talk her until she gave up the information.
He did.
1. There was no obit published.  Stepmother said she saw no point since
they had just moved to Memphis.
2. I got my half sister's phone number.

I've tried to call her 3 times, left a message once, and she hasn't
returned my call.  I thought she might, but now I am doubtful.  Oh well,
I tried.  I may try again tomorrow, but after that, I see no point in
continuing to stand behind the horse waiting for it to kick me.  I guess
I should have known since she didn't bother to call me when he passed.

During the conversation my stepfather had with my stepmother, she said
"I know what she wants...she wants to know about her inheritance...tell
her that the will was written so she only gets $1.  That's all she
deserves."

So, at least I know a will exists and that I was mentioned....lol....


Cathy wrote:

> When it doesn't need to be, which is when everything is owned jointly
>  with rights of survivorship and/or specifies beneficiaries, like 
> insurance policies.

Since they had just sold their home in MO, I would be surprised if there
was anything solely in his name.


> What she was saying might be best explained by an example. A fella 
> dies who has 3 adult children,  nice home, ample bank accounts, etc. 
> Say everything is held jointly--no need to necessarily mess with 
> probate.  Kiddo #4 (maybe happy family doesn't know about her) hears 
> about the fella's death--she could start a probate case in an attempt
> to receive a share of the estate without knowing anything about a
> will.

Hmm. I see.  I read a bit online on the TN laws.  I may not have
understood everything, but I thought it said that no one could file a
claim against an estate until a probate case was opened.  If a will is
never probated, then the whole claimant issue is null and void.
Machs nicht I didn't want his money....When I was in college and was
having a hard time and couldn't afford tampons, then I wanted some
money..I called, begged, and got the proverbial door slammed in my face,
told I wasn't a true, blood Joye, and that my mother should have saved
the child support he had sent.

> 3. If a will is written and registered in one state, but the person 
> dies in another, as may be the case here, which probate court would 
> handle the case, if it went to probate?
>
> I think the state of residence, but I'm not sure.

Yes, I was able to verify this this afternoon from the clerk in MO.
Since he died in TN, the probate court in TN will handle the will.


> 4. Isn't the executor required to notify everyone mentioned in the 
> will? If so, how much that be done, and what if it isn't done 
> properly?
>
> I'm not sure how that works either, since I didn't work in estates. 
> I'm not much help!  If an estate goes to probate court, I believe the
>  first thing to be filed (and placed in the newspaper) is some sort 
> of Notice to Creditors.

I've been checking the papers...haven't seen it yet.  After my
stepfather's conversation with the Wicked Witch of the East this
afternoon, I seriously doubt there will be a probate case.  I don't
intend to contend it even if there was one, but I would be curious about
what was left to my other siblings, and whether or not I was listed as
his daughter or his adopted daughter.


> Generally speaking, Bev, it is the decedent's responsibility to see 
> that his/her assets are distributed according to his/her wishes by 
> preparing a good will, arranging for an executor, etc.  The state is 
> interested in collecting taxes and will serve to assist creditors' 
> obtaining their money. The state also provides rules by which your 
> heirs' portions will be divided (after taxes and creditors) if you do
>  not leave a will.  Even if you do leave a will, if it is especially 
> skewed against one or more heirs recognized by the state (current 
> wife, black sheep daughter, etc) those heirs may contest the will and
>  have a good chance of having it set aside.

I don't know who the executor is, if it is my stepmother, I'll never see
the will.  I wish I knew how to get a copy of it, though.  I have no
clue as to when or where it was written or who the executor would be.  I
feel pretty sure an attorney wrote it..my father wasn't the do it
yourself type and at one time at least, had quite a few assets and could
afford a high powered attorney.

My father collected antique clocks. I *heard* that he sold them in the
last 6 months of his life.  One, I know, was worth $750,000, and that
was 20 years ago.. He also had a lot of jewelers tools and other
assorted watches and jewelry that were antiques in and of themselves.
My adoptive grandfather was a jeweler in SC, and my father inherited all
of that when my grandfather passed years ago.  I have also *heard* that
my wicked stepmother has gambled away a lot of his wealth, but that may
just be a story put out for my benefit.
Years ago, Sonny let me into the clock house (it was a gate house filled
wall to wall with antique clocks) and told me to pick one.  ONE.  I did,
and it is hanging on my living room wall right now.  With that, and my
dollar, I guess I will buy myself a coke next time I'm in town.

It's funny, considering our relationship, but I have always said that in
a house fire, I'd save the clock as my one 'thing' to grab.  Perhaps it
is just my mood at the present: hurt, bitter, and nothing productive to
do with my grief, but at present, I'd be inclined to let it burn.

In case you haven't figured this out already, I don't handle deaths well.

Thanks everyone for indulging me this bitter rant.
I hope that in sharing my suck*ss family woes with you, you each give
long and hard thought to your own family relations.  I feel like I have
done the right thing in my decisions, but it's still hard, and it never
seems to end, even with death.
Re-reading this post, it seems like I am obsessing with the will
here...perhaps I am, but at this point, it's the only thing I can obsess
on...there's no obit, and my sister won't call...
I've given a lot of thought as to why this relationship has been so
painful and how this all has affected me personally over the years.  I
think, looking back and analyzing things, that I owe Sonny a thank you.
     Two things happened back in 1990, and I didn't really connect them
until a few days ago.  The first was a break in our relationship, and
the second was what was to become an awakening that the
yuppie/consumerist lifestyle I had been living wasn't how I really
wanted to live.  You might say, and perhaps it was, a case of sour
grapes, knowing that he had money but that I'd never see it, and thus
turned away from material things altogether....choosing a small house(5
room shack in the woods as he called it) over a big one, a lifestyle of
less rather than more, and an awakening that the concept of family is
relative, pun intended.  I am happy with my present life, for the most
part, and perhaps I have Sonny's rejection to thank for that.  It's strange.
I wonder what my birthfather is saying to my adoptive father in the
Beyond...You should never, ever, piss off a Finn or hurt his/her family.

Bev

--
BevanRon of EarthNSky Farm   NW Georgia USDA Zone 7
34.498N 85.076W    Bev is Earth, Ron is Sky