permaculture

["John Schinnerer" <john@eco-living.net>]

Aloha Kirby,

> It's as if, after exhausting all of those flamboyant relationships and
> trendy social scenes there is yet a sense of emptiness, of accomplishing
> nothing real - if I interpret what they're saying correctly.

Wouldn't surprise me at all if you're interpreting correctly.  "Drama" and
"scenes" and so on can be excellent ways to avoid what's "real" for
oneself.  So can meditation - all depends on what one chooses to do with
it.

> However,
> though they may have a new source of motivation, they / we still lack
> the social skills to share and get along, and make commitments on the
> level that a family is committed to itself.

Skills can be acquired, committments can be made - and reneged upon, of
course, which can be simply another way of 'harvesting mistakes'.

> When my father grew sick, living 10 years of his life as a quadriplegic
> (his last two years with us here in McDade), I began to see the real
> definition of family.  Family is our last line of defenses, they are the
> ones who will still love you and take you in even though you may not be
> able to stand each other.

Yes - we don't have to agree with each other or even like each other to
nonetheless support each other in those contexts common to us all as
humans (birth, death; thirst, hunger, cold, suffering; joy, celebration,
abundance; grief, fear; ...life...).

> As soon as friends and lovers grow bored or
> angry with one another that bond can be broken.

"Can" being the key word - always a choice, mutual or otherwise.

> Somehow we must learn
> to create family like ties with our friends,

Yes!  I have a fair bit of experience with this (in non-residential
intentional community) and it is quite wonderful even when it is not
smooth or easy.  I am realizing more and more that this is my main
passion, in PC and elsewhere.

> I guess elevating the
> relationship to something more clannish or tribal.

...if clans or tribes also practice this between themselves.  Otherwise we
simply repeat type 1 errors in design of human culture.

> Problem often is, though, that true need dictates the formation of such
> bonds and corporate America along with the power peddlers have seen to
> it that our perceived needs are met just enough to keep us from really
> banding together as watershed communities, tribes, clans and families.

Only if we choose to let them.  Always a choice, even if 'unconscious'
(whatever that means).  Living in victim mode and blaming (relative to
media, corporations, government, etc.) will not get us anywhere we aren't
already.

> Without being scare
> mongers we need to instill a sense of urgency and empowerment among our
> communities, so that the trivialness and impulsiveness of our culture
> may be over come.

Perhaps by living non-triviality, non-impulsiveness...and I always liked
Dan Hemenway's sig, something like "we don't have time to rush"...

> Or maybe, by building a sustainable settlement we put out a cast net for
> those ready to be caught...

That too, I think.



John Schinnerer, MA
-------------------------
- Eco-Living -
Cultural & Ecological Designing
People - Place - Learning - Integration
john@eco-living.net
http://eco-living.net