Internetworkers: http://www.ibiblio.org/internetworkers/

[matusiak <dave AT matusiak.org>]

On Sep 23, 2006, at 3:24 PM, Roger Austin wrote:

> I guess I have to ask what makes you stay at a job where the
> salary doesn't go up in eight years. Why not move on to greener
> pastures? Are there other benefits that you would give up to move
> to another position? (Perhaps a beer taster position?)

hey Roger --

I saw Greg's response about the work/pay situation, but your question  
got me to thinking, as well.  As someone who has watched the national  
IT job market *very* closely over the past three years, I can  
honestly say that the bar is set so unrealistically high that I  
cannot understand how anyone finds work.

Before I explain further, I'd like to add that I believe cross- 
training and keeping one's skills up-to-date are vital and rewarding  
aspects of working with systems and networks.  However, when I read  
job descriptions I just grow more and more amazed that they can find  
these "Super Stars" willing to work for $40-50 grand per year.  You  
can barely find "Entry level" computer positions anymore, as  
everything Tech Support and Call Center centric has moved to distant,  
cheaper shores.

Most common listings I see today look something like this:

MID-LEVEL SYSTEMS ENGINEER (CompuCorp.Net -- Dallas, TX)

Type: Contractor (possibility of Permanent, Full-time)
Pay Rate: $22-28 per hour DOE
Length: 3 months, may be extended
Shift: Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun -- 11pm-7:30am

Purpose: Provides ongoing support for monitoring and maintaining  
network availability, server hardware, operating systems and  
application processing on all platforms. Also, monitors and maintains  
the computer room environment and physical security.

Minimum Qualifications:
* BS in Computer Science (Why did you even go to college if it wasn't  
for Computer Science?)
* Stanford or MIT PhD preferred (Neuro-linguistic programming,  
Artificial intelligence and Information retrieval)
* 15 years of system and network design and implementation (current,  
valid CCIE REQUIRED)
* 10+ years of expert level proficiency in Solaris, HP-UX, AIX,  
Minix, VAX, Windows, BeOS, Red Hat Linux, SuSe Linux, Debian Linux,  
Knoppix, FreeBSD, OpenBSD and Mac OS X (prefer SCSA, RHCE, MCSE)
* 8 years experience with SAP, Peoplesoft and Lawson Financial software
* 8 years of progressively intricate Java programming and OO design
* Must like working with children and be prepared to have dozens of  
them around you crying and screaming before nap time
* 10+ years of setting enterprise security policy and proven  
experience with HIPAA, Sarbanes Oxley, and ISO 27001 (CISSP & CISA  
REQUIRED)
* Should be the person who created AJAX (or at least shared a college  
dorm with that person)
* At least 7 years of assembly language, C, C++ and Objective-C
* Expert in perl, python, bash, bourne, ksh, csh and tcsh scripting
* 10 years of Oracle, Informattica and MySQL database development and  
administration (Oracle certification a BIG PLUS)
* Must know the Google search algorithm and be able to recite Pi to  
1500 digits
* Comfortable working with C* level executives and homeless people
* Fantastic oration skills and rhetorical prowess not seen since Cicero
* Likes to have job duties and supervisory management change on  
weekly basis
* No felony assault convictions or grand larceny
* A morning person who greets the sunrise each day with a smile (like  
John Denver would do)
* Absolutely must be able to work overtime, nights, weekends,  
holidays and your daughter's birthday each year; 24x7 on-call support  
as scheduled
* Minimum 5 years experience as a quality assurance engineer or  
significant experience as a developer in planning and executing test  
cycles
* Loves to spend time training everyone else in the office
* Must be able to meet tight deadlines and work without supervision
* A "Team player"
* Must have managed at least 30 disgruntled programmers at last job
* Prior experience on IETF, CERT, and/or Apache Software Project
* No Whiners!
* Must have US Government issued Security Clearance
* DNS, VoiP, TCL/Tk, Sed, Awk, TCP/IP/BGP/OSPF/MPLS and MS Outlook
* You have actually seen a PDP-11 before

Our Favorite Candidate will also have:
* Law degree (JD) and have passed the bar in Texas and all  
surrounding states
* Harvard MBA in Finance and International currency valuation
* Farsi or Italian language skills
* HTML, XHTML, CSS, PHP, XML, SOAP, Javascript and graphic design  
proficiency
* Experience in implementing ACD and Call Processing solutions
* Must be capable of utilizing MS Word, MS Excel and MS Access
* Can make really cool PowerPoint presentations with music and stuff
* Visio, HP OpenView, BMC Patrol, and OmniGraffle

Then sometimes they throw in gibberish like this, I guess to see if  
you are even paying attention by that point:

* COBIT, COSO, ITIL, GLBA, ISO17799, SOX, IOS, .NET, QA, LOL, FTP,  
WTF, BBQ


So, after wading through this ridiculous list of requirements, you  
figure that you are the perfect candidate for the job and submit an  
application.  Your resume sparkles and glistens.  Your prior work  
references are stellar and may include Paul McCartney.  The local  
children and elders in your tribe compose songs to trumpet your  
greatness to the heavens.

After weeks and weeks of dealing with emails from recruiters and  
their assistants, after a half-dozen phone screenings to ensure that  
you are the fabulous person you say you are, after a full credit  
history and background check -- they finally want to talk to you  
about maybe there being a possibility of you filling the vacancy.

You walk in, sit down and "Wow" them for two-to-three hours about how  
brilliant and experienced you are and how you pummeled Steve Jobs in  
squash last year while you were both vacationing in Cape Town South  
Africa.  At this point, you are positive that you will be offered the  
temporary, contract position for Mid-Level Systems Engineer.  Then  
the disheveled, sweaty guy in the interview team stares you down and  
levels one final question:

"Do you have any development experience with Ruby on Rails?"

You have to be honest.  You have to say "No."

"Well, I'm sorry, but we just can't bring someone like you on our  
team and run the risk of you dragging everyone else down."

Time to start looking for the nearest Kinkos and fill out an  
application.