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  • From: "Katherine Carpenter" <wwkd AT hotmail.com>
  • To: ch-scene AT lists.ibiblio.org
  • Subject: New and Pertinent Info About Nickelback
  • Date: Fri, 07 Apr 2006 11:05:24 -0400

Little-Known Reasons
Why Nickelback Is the
Best Boy Band Ever.
BY BROOKE MORTON AND PAUL BRADLEY
www.mcsweeneys.net
- - - -

Nickelback does not have a road crew, nor do they announce the dates or locations of their concerts. People in the various towns to which they are coming simply sense the band's impending arrival in the city—because God tells them in a dream—and frantically put together a stage at their largest stadium.

Intelligent people know the Titanic was sunk not by an iceberg but by a Nickelback guitar riff.

Ken Jennings and Stephen Hawking created a formula to determine who God was. The result? The cosine of Nickelback.

Nickelback is the tallest building in Des Moines, Iowa.

The term "the Dark Ages" actually refers to the time when Nickelback did not tour.

Besides the old man and the dog, Nickelback are the only others to know the Bush's Baked Beans recipe.

Nickelback always finds Waldo.

Nickelback has been to the North Pole and you haven't.

In 1997, while performing in Cleveland, Nickelback caught a young boy in the audience making fun of them and put an evil curse on him. It was later found out that the young boy was Joey Fatone.

An unknown fact is that Nickelback beat Indiana Jones to the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark, by 5 years. When Indiana came upon the Ark, he found Nickelback passed out in a pile of empty Old English bottles and empty packs of Marlboro Reds.

The Grand Canyon is actually a footprint from Nickelback.

Every Whopper sold by Burger King is actually cooked by Nickelback.

Japanese ocean explorers were about to score an amazing coup and capture the first-ever video of the giant squid at a depth of 3,000 meters but got distracted when Nickelback swam by, and missed the shot.

Nickelback are actually the fourth and 63rd signers on the Declaration of Independence.

In World War II, the first atomic bomb wasn't actually named Little Boy. Nor was it an atomic bomb. It was Nickelback in a group hug.






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