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[Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>]

On Aug 12, 2008, at 4:53 PM, Robert Walton wrote:

> > It is an individual choice, as Gene says, but as long as
> > she recognizes and trusts you it may not be her time.
>
> That's good advice, she's still here, I'm just taking it a day at a
> time. As long as she is able to get around some and learns to deal
> with the blindness and deafness. If it was me, I'd prefer to go in the
> night.

The dream is to die in one's sleep. I don't know the percentages. My  
plan has long been to take charge of my final exit. The dilemma with a  
dog is that we can only guess their wishes, so we must play god.

With Dax, whose cancer had eaten his shoulder full of holes, I used  
Prednisone and kept him comfortable and alive as long as he seemed to  
be enjoying most of each day. Only a week or so before his end we went  
for a great walk in the woods and we were both happy. When he became  
unable, unless I lifted him up one step, to come in from evacuating, I  
decided we were both ready.

We had paid the vet in advance and called her the morning we were  
coming in. Chris drove the car. The Highlander rear seat folds down by  
halves. I laid down a waterproof tarp and a blanket on top of that. I  
made a ramp so Dax could get into the car from the front porch and  
helped him move forward onto the folded-down section. I sat next to  
him and had my arm around him. When we got to the vet office, Chris  
went in to tell her we were ready. She came out, Chris opened the  
door, the vet shaved his front leg, inserted a needle, Dax died and I,  
well, it was hard. Chris drove home. A friend had stayed with Benny. I  
had dug a grave with the backhoe weeks before. I slid the body out and  
into the grave and when I could I covered him and filled the hole.

Special dogs are very hard to lose. One goes though the question of  
whether it is worth the final pain. I think it is. Benny is twelve and  
doesn't have lots of time left. When the time feels right we will get  
some more dogs, probably three. Losing one hurts hard but it helps to  
have others.

If reading helps you to work through pain, there is a book my daughter  
gave me for Father's Day, Dog Year, by Mark Doty, a memoir by a gifted  
writer-poet. I cried when I read it, so I know it is good.

Dying is an important part of life. Loss is painful. Living life fully  
includes feeling such pain. It is one of the ways we learn important  
things.

Take your time.