Internetworkers: http://www.ibiblio.org/internetworkers/

[Chad Ingham <wap AT visi.com>]

I got a kick out of this so I thought I'd pass it on.  Have a good 
workweek, boys and girls.

- Chad


You can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house! I
began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't
just telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.

After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer
hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say,
this was the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of
my children. We raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and
Peter betrayed the principles we tried to encourage in him, when he
refused point blank to admit to his activities. His denials
continued for hours, and in the end, I was left with no choice but
to ban him from using the computer until he is old enough to be
responsible for his actions.

After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left
pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd
gained a lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers.
It's only right that I provide that information to other parents, in
the hope that they will be able to tell if their children are being
drawn into the world of hacking. Perhaps other parents will be able
to steer their sons back onto the straight and narrow before extreme
measures need to be employed.

To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your
son is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully
and if their son matches the profile, they should take action. A
smart parent will first try to reason with their son, before
resorting to groundings, or even spanking. I pride myself that I
have never had to spank a child, and I hope this guide will help
other parents to put a halt to their son's misbehaviour before a
spanking becomes necessary.

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service
Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking"
policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your internet
experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your
child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to
request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the
reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away
from AOL's child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent
who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him
through exposure to "adult" content. It is best to stick with the
protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If
your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any
home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned
from various hacker sites.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember
installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may
attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you
can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs
listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel.
Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy"
and "Flash".

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force
him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to
install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this
is happening, if your machine offers to "download" one of the hacker
applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern
talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer
hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard
drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these
devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best
ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only
buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company
called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world
based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American
processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third
world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security
features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to
prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will
most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites.
Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your
son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

4. Does your child read hacking manuals?

If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do,
you will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and
hobbies. Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage
years. Any father who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt
to sneak out on a date wearing make up and perfume is well aware of
the effect that improper influences can have on inexperienced minds.

There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in
bookshops today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow
Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by
William Gibson; "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks"
by Jon Katz; "The Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs"
by Douglas Coupland; "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral
and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond.

If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession,
confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local
booksellers to remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet
with some resistance at first, but even booksellers have to bow to
community pressure.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the
computer, he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing
involves gaining access to the "command prompt" on other people's
machines, and using it to tie up vital internet services. This can
take up to eight hours. If your son is doing this, he is breaking
the law, and you should stop him immediately. The safest policy is
to limit your children's access to the computer to a maximum of
forty-five minutes each day.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular
meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and
train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-
social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may
cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that
this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in
your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks
installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of
his school.

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social
behaviour?

As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become
disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control
his actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of
behaviour. This will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats
others. Those whom he disagrees with will be met with scorn,
bitterness, and even foul language. He may utter threats of violence
of a real or electronic nature.

Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to
talk about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is
no problem, and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that
it is you who has the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop
smothering him." Do not allow yourself to be deceived. You are the
only chance your son has, even if he doesn't understand the
situation he is in. Keep trying to get through to him, no matter how
much he retreats into himself.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal
hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named
Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is
based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft
for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break
into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers.
They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their
music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker,
responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet",
which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet
without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is
careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a
capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage
your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at
which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a
professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after
you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to
get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the
manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely
dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of
your hard disk surface.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you
may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright,
day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and
spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may
take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their
necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers
in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with
them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people
dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to
protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on
sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the
infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the
computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary
damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation.
This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in
difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases,
over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia,
meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in
exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start
gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical
health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer
time drastically.

I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your
child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and
dangerous activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear
your family apart. It cannot be taken too seriously.