Homestead mailing list

["Lynda" <lurine AT softcom.net>]

BUREAU OF IRAQI AFFAIRS (Formed March 20, 2003)

Dear People of Iraq,

Now that you have been liberated from your oppressors, we at the Bureau of
Indian Affairs (BIA) look forward to our future relationship with you. As
one of the oldest of American governmental agencies, we have a good deal of
experience in assimilating people of other cultures into the American way of
life.

Further, in order to follow-up on our promise that, following the war, Iraq
and Iraqi oil will
belong to the Iraqi people, we will appoint an "interim government", in
order to get the oil flowing - for your benefit of course. Meanwhile, below
you will find a list of what to expect from the Office of the BIA, based on
our vast experience managing the affairs of American Indians:

1. Henceforth, English will be the spoken language of all government and
associated offices. If you do not speak English, a translator fluent in
German will be provided.

2. All Iraqi people will apply to be entered on a citizen (tribal) roll.
Citizenship will be open to those people who can prove that they are Iraqi
back four generations with documents issued by the United States. Christian
church records may also be given in support of proof of your origins.

3. All hospitals designated to serve you will be issued a standard "medical
kit". The kit will contain gauze, band-aids, burn cream, iodine, tweezers,
and duct tape.

4. Your oil is to be held in trust for you. We will appoint an
American-approved government lawyer who has a background in the oil industry
to represent your interests. Never mind that he may also work for an energy
company that he will eventually cut a deal with. However, not to fear - this
close relationship will guarantee you more money for your oil.

5. Each Iraqi citizen will be allotted one hundred acres of prime Iraqi
desert. You will be issued a plow, a hoe, seed corn and the King James
version of  the Christian Bible. Following the distribution of land, any
land left over will be open to settlement by  Israelis.

6. Each Citizen is entitled to draw a ration of milk, sugar, flour and lard.
If, for health or religious reasons, you feel cannot use the rations, you
may file a complaint with your BIA appointed liaison, General oods
Corporation. Those Iraqis showing signs of diabetes, heart disease, or
glaucoma will be issued double rations, as, (we are sure you will agree),
our own medical system will be too alien for your use.

7. We will manage your trust monies, stipulating that any five year-old
American citizen,
demonstrating minimal computer skills, may hack into the system that
controls your accounts, and set up their own account.  Records of your
accounts will be kept, but you must receive express written permission from
the head of the BIA in order to examine them

8. In keeping with the separation of Church and State supported by the US
constitution, Christian missionaries will be sponsored through government
funding to provide your local educational and social services. Of course,
only Iraqis who convert to Christianity will be allowed to hold jobs within
the government.

9. For the purposes of future treaty making, any single Iraqi will be found
competent to sign land-session treaties on behalf of all other Iraqis.

10. Welcome to the Free World and have a nice day!

Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>
To: <homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org>
Sent: Friday, July 08, 2005 7:58 AM
Subject: [Homestead] The Constitution


> I feel confident that I am not overreaching when I say that there are
> people on this list who will agree with the following:
>
> "They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we
> just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's
worked
> for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore."
>
>
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