RTP-area local music and culture

[rws6 <rws6 AT duke.edu>]

there is a room available immediately in the cozy home of two wxdu djs, known
colloquially as FANTASY DUMP.  it is a three bedroom house with no fewer than
three, additional, public rooms.  rent is $895, to be split in three.  a 
deposit
will be due.  

while you are likely bombarded by many such offerings, we think that this one 
is
a little different, a little special.  in fact, we offer you several choice
amenities not available to most renters in the triangle.  they are:

FIRE, SHELVES, PARTIES, DOGHOUSE, STORAGE, RED PORCH, STREET CRED

allow me to enumerate:

FIRE:  1) the main living room boasts a big ass fire place and tract lighting.
this room will put you at such ease that any overheard gunfire (see STREET 
CRED)
might as well be a salute to you and that special someone.  so get close.

       2)  the kitchen sports a GAS STOVE, so you can cook your food with 
actual
fire.  this stove will also come in handy for cooking up your heroin or 
cooking
down your freebase.*

SHELVES:  while many so-called apartments REQUIRE you to provide your own
shelving, the owners and occupants of FANTASY DUMP recognize that this is an
exceptional burden.  the available room has an entire wall of shelves that's
just gonna totally store your stuff!

PARTIES:  everyday is party day at FANTASY DUMP!**

DOGHOUSE:  there is a huge ass doghouse in the backyard for your huge ass dog.
also avaiable: a doggie-sized swiss exercise ball.

STORAGE:  between the basement, attic, and four different closets, there is no
reason for you ever to use anything you own.

RED PORCH:  a red porch fronts FANTASY DUMP, and it's one of a kind.  it is so
fucking red.

STREET CRED:  FANTASY DUMP is located a block away from public housing 
projects
and a block away from the Triangle D food mart.  the block itself, in imitable
durham fashion, is as quiet as a dead mouse.  but that won't stop your friends
from quavering in their boots and claiming, bald-faced, that you are king shit
of fuck mountain!

interested parties should reply to this email or call 286.JERX (5379)

*applications from heroin and cocaine users will not be considered.

**the having of fun not guaranteed at FANTASY DUMP parties.  past party themes
have included "viva counts his shirts," and "rick! doesn't have cancer."