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  • From: tvoivozhd <tvoivozd AT infionline.net>
  • To: homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org
  • Subject: [Homestead] Conversations with Gene---natural foods will kill you
  • Date: Tue, 30 Nov 2004 11:04:34 -0500












Gene: "What is the leading cause of death in the United States today ?"

Tvoivozhd: "I dunno, cancer, heart failure ?"

Gene: "Nope, it is "Natural Causes"---nothing else even comes close, not cancer, not getting kicked in the head by a

mule, not even being compelled by a High School English teacher to read James Joyce' Ulysses."

Tvoivozhd: "I'll bite, How does your Theory of Everything account for this strange event?"

Gene: "Not so fast, not so fast, we have to go a long way back into history to get a clearer picture of the problem,

and what we can do to improve the future prospects of Homo Sapiens."

Tvoivozhd: " OK, as James and some other weirdos on the Homestead List suggest, I suppose we should garden

organically, all drink spring water, and ride a burro to work."

Gene: "No, no, no---you aren't thinking clearly---as history clearly illustrates, all those things are bad for you"'

As a result of living Naturally, billions and billions of your ancestors and mine have died at an early age--usually

in their 30's, when they weren't so profusely blessed by chemicals in their air, water and food as we are today."

Tvoivozhd: "These poisons are really beneficial, and chemical companies really just suffer from a bad press?"

Gene: "Of course, numbers do not lie." "Life expectancy in the United States is now almost eighty and prodicted to

climb. "We must increase our intake of arsenic,hydrocyanic acid, e-coli and,endocrine disruptors from Unnatural

Sources." "It is my advice that everyone on the Homestead List sell their property and move within a mile of a coal

-burning Amerrican Electric Power Plant---downwind of course."

"And as the most crushing blow to those evil Natural Causes, everyone should be compelled by law to build a

Fermenting Gene Pool to modify their genome, both by frequent, total immersion, and conspicuous consumption. I have

patented the formula of this worst of all possible Unnatural Causes---it is "Liquid Lobotomy", a particulerly hideous

variant of the "Bad Frog Beer" that has gagged so many of my house guests and their pet alligators at Heartwood."

Tvoivozhd: "I can see that you are a worthy Successor to Mother Theresa, how could we possibly thank you enough?"

Gene: By staying away from Linux and using a Microsoft OS on your computer. I am sure you have noticed that the new

Microsoft "Longhorn" has been both watered down and much delayed. The true cause can now be disclosed. Billy Boy and

I have reached an agreement on the Longhorn replacement to be known as the "Gee Gee" When you start up your

computer, you will see my Liquid Lobotomy formula instead of the familiar Microsoft banner. We are still working out

the division of the loot when you buy "Gee Gee", but 50-50 seems fair. I could get more, but I don't want to look

greedy in the performance of a public service like promotion of worldwide Unnatural Causes as the cure for what ails

the human race.










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