permaculture

[Michael Dean <mikedean.com@altavista.com>]

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER:  To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good of man.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it 
take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite 
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was 
threatening its dominant market position.  The chicken was faced with 
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for 
the newly competitive market.  Anderson Consulting, in a partnering 
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical 
distribution strategy and implementation processes.  Using the Poultry 
Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, 
methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s 
people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a 
Program Management framework.  Andersen Consulting convened a diverse 
cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson 
consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a 
two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge 
capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergise with each 
other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully 
architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the 
continuum of  poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was held in 
park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was 
strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear and 
unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision and 
core values.  This was conductive towards the creation of a total business.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:  The road, you see, represents the black man.  The chicken 
‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to 
cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken “Thou 
shalt cross the road.”  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much 
rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.  How many more 
chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.  I repeat, the chicken 
did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road.  Who cares why? 
The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road?  I mean, why doesn’t anyone 
ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all 
over the place, anyway?”

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the 
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not 
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and 
balance your chequebook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not “Why did the chicken cross the road?”  
Rather it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked 
in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally 
selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved 
beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking the question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not the cross the road – it transcended 
it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die.  In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with 
that chicken.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we’ll find 
out.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?  Did he cross it with a toad?  
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Someone 
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.  However, I did ask 
Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.> 
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