The #1 source for news about monkeys and apes

[Carrie McLaren <carrie AT stayfreemagazine.org>]

Finally, the MUCH ANTICIPATED Monkeywire Monthly is here. With the 
Monthly, Monkeywire takes a break from the hard news and compiles 
reviews and other commentary from readers.

Also check out our FRESH new home page: http://www.monkeywire.org



Included herein:

I. Hideous Monkey Concepts | by Alexandra Ringe
II. My Visit to Chimp Farm | by Carrie McLaren
III. Monkeywire: Now with Audio! | courtesy of Damian Chadwin
IV. Noteworthy URLs from subscribers

I.

HIDEOUS MONKEY CONCEPTS
by Alexandra Ringe

See images at
http://www.monkeywire.org/monthly.html

We're living in a boom time, at least in the monkey-facsimile 
business. Go into any chain store aimed at young girls--Strawberries, 
say--and you'll probably find pajamas with monkeys on them, slippers 
with monkey faces, monkey stationery, matching monkey pens, or, at 
the very least, a pair of monkey socks (not to be confused with sock 
monkeys). And if you'd prefer a furry 3-D monkey facsimile for 
hugging purposes, check out any toy or gift shop that sells stuffed 
animals, and you'll see all sizes of gorillas, chimps, sometimes even 
lemurs.

I myself have made some satisfying purchases of late, among them a 
small, soft set of the "See no evil" monkey trio, a 
gorilla-mother-and-baby convertible suitcase-backpack, and a pair of 
sculpted bookends, each with a chimp hunched over a book, Rodin's 
"The Thinker"-style. All of these items were presents for fellow 
monkey enthusiasts, who received them gladly.

For gift-buying reasons, I am of course happy that monkeys are 
sharing the kitsch burden formerly carried almost exclusively by the 
bear in its teddy form, but I am also getting bugged by the 
increasing amount of monkey junk out there.

I blame this on Paul Frank ( http://www.paulfrank.com ), while 
simultaneously crediting him for the monkey-object trend. In the late 
90s he started selling the blank-faced Julius on t-shirts and 
wallets. As soon as Frank's line attained hipster cachet, other 
designers began ripping him off. As monkey concepts go, I wouldn't 
call Julius hideous, merely mediocre. I reserve the term "hideous 
monkey-concept" for the objects shown here, each of which shames its 
real-life counterparts in its own special way.



II.

MY VISIT TO CHIMP FARM
by Carrie McLaren

Like many Florida towns, Palm Harbor, with its perennial sunny skies 
and gulfcoast seabreeze, is a popular place to retire -- and not just 
for humans. For the past fifty years, Palm Harbor has also been a 
resting place for the apes, monkeys and other animals at the Suncoast 
Primate Sanctuary ( http://www.suncoastprimates.org ).

The Primate Sanctuary was formerly known as Noell's Chimp Farm, a 
name that conjures up images of expansive spaces, grounds to plow, 
cows to milk (an appropriate setting for chimps). But no one would 
confuse Chimp Farm with a ranch. Walled in by wood fencing, the 
roadside attraction largely consists of concrete and wire. Plastic 
toddler toys and furniture litter the yard. In 1999, after years of 
threats by regulators, the place was shut down for health and safety 
violations.

Since then, the site has been remodeled. The animals have moved to 
larger, airier cages, and, provided it passes USDA inspection, the 
place will reopen to the public in the next few months. The name 
change from Chimp Farm to the Suncoast Primate Sanctuary, is part of 
the facelift, but to locals, the tiny strip of land off U.S. 
Alternate 19 will probably always be Chimp Farm.

Mae and Bob Noells founded Chimp Farm as a home for their menagerie 
in the 1970s. The Noell's had been acquiring apes since the 1940s, 
when the couple traveled the country as Noell's Ark Gorilla Show. For 
the main event, the Noells would invite a man from the audience to 
wrestle a chimp.

Over time, Chimp Farm gradually expanded as zoos, Hollywood trainers, 
and unlikely animal owners sought homes for difficult-to-place 
primates. Jan, the volunteer who showed me around, said that zoos get 
rid of all animals with any kind of deformity -- missing fingers, 
scars, torn ears -- rather than risk raising public concern about how 
the animals are treated. When others refuse to take them, zoos call 
Chimp Farm.

Many of the sanctuary's occupants are retirees from Hollywood. But 
that doesn't mean they're seniors: chimps retire at an age when most 
of us are working our first fast food jobs. After reaching 
adolescence, apes often refuse to do what humans want. Since the vast 
majority of chimps seen in the media are young pups, many people 
believe chimps to be small creatures, easily confused with monkeys. 
The chimps here, however, are four to five feet tall, some bearing 
freckles, gray beards, swollen bottoms.

Jan, a welcoming and kind retiree, clearly loves her work. She 
eagerly gave me the chimp tour, but warned not to get too close: the 
little monsters like to throw poop at humans. Jan told me about the 
time Harry started whipping dung at her as she cleaned a nearby cage. 
Jan refused to let the chimp get the best of her and by the time she 
had finished, her clothing, hair, and glasses were coated in crap. 
Fortunately, that hasn't happened since; Harry now occupies himself 
by watching Rugrats and The Price Is Right, and throws Jan air kisses 
when she walks by.

As we toured, Jan introduced me to some of the residents. Mike, upon 
seeing us, gestured to Jan that he wanted a smoke -- a habit he 
picked up at Albuquerque Zoo in the 1960s. When Jan refused, Mike 
made another gesture, one I recognized from middle school as "suck my 
dick." Jan didn't translate that for me, though. "He wants a 
cigarette," she repeated.

The cage next to Mike houses two orangutans, Jewel and Ruby. Jewel 
was holding a long pine branch and, when she saw us, gave a plaintive 
look and pointed to the adjacent tree. "She wants another branch," 
said Jan. "They always want more branches." Later, I saw Jewel 
putting a stick through the bars in an attempt to draw one of the 
tree branches closer. Ruby and Jewel apparently spend hours doing 
this, pausing only to point out cyclists on the nearby bike path.

Otto, the sanctuary's sole gorilla, starred in the old American 
Tourister commercials (he was the one pouncing on luggage). I didn't 
see him jumping around much when I visited, but apparently Otto has 
become a skilled painter, using both his tongue and his fingers. Like 
the chimps, Otto watches a lot of TV. (Apparently, TV is as good at 
controlling chimps as it is with children and prisoners). According 
to the sanctuary's website, Otto also likes "hula hoops, hair 
brushes, blankets, and baby toys."

After our tour, Jan had to get back to work. Everyone who works at 
Chimp Farm these days is a volunteer, even Debbie, the Noell's 
granddaughter, who runs the place. Debbie is a fervently religious 
woman and all the music played inside Chimp Farm headquarters is 
contemporary Christian. At the time I visited, Jan was making a 
Christmas present for her boss, collecting hair from all the animals, 
which she planned to place in clear plastic baggies bearing the given 
ape's name. A prayer box, she explained--Debbie would use the ape 
locks to pray for her "family."

Considering that the sanctuary still needs about $200,000 to complete 
a recreational habitat, I'm sure a little prayin' couldn't hurt.


III.

MONKEYWIRE: NOW WITH AUDIO! | by Damian Chadwin

Would you like your computer to shriek like a monkey when an e-mail 
from Monkeywire comes in? Well, who doesn't, really? I've put 
together some rather sketchy instructions and a nice monkey sound 
(.wav .mp3 .sfil ) to install. The procedure is pretty simple: you 
just set up a filter to tell your e-mail program to play this sound 
when anything with the text "monkeywire" is received. The sound is 
provided in several formats -- hopefully one of them will work with 
your computer.


NOTEWORTHY LINKS

A car commercial featuring a chimp (everyone needs a trunk monkey)
http://www.suburbanautogroup.com/images/SuburbanTrunkmonkeyAd.mpeg
--submitted by Dave Smith

Helping Hands
http://www.helpinghandsmonkeys.org/
A nonprofit organization that trains capuchin monkeys to assist the 
disabled. Be sure to watch the video in the upper left-hand corner of 
the home page. Almost makes you want to be disabled.

Monkeys on the Simpsons
http://www.citizenlunchbox.com/monkey/tv/simpsons.php
"The FIRST index of monkey references on the net!" This claims to be 
a comprehensive archive of every monkey reference on the Simpsons; 
far be it from me to argue.

Whiplash, the Cowboy Monkey
http://whiplashrides.com/whip.shtml
Home of the only monkey who herds sheep while riding on a bordie collie.
--submitted by kgroberg AT fargocity.com

100 Monkeys: Monkeys Typing Shakespeare
http://www.100monkeys.org/
--submitted by Tim Gibbons