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[Carrie McLaren <carrie AT stayfreemagazine.org>]

The Express
June 8, 2001

SECTION: COLUMNS; Pg. 37

LENGTH: 161 words

HEADLINE: GOING APE

BYLINE: MCENTEE

BODY:
KISSING attractive members of the opposite sex could be considered a perk
of the acting profession. Not, alas, in the case of Alan Cumming's curious
film, Buddy, about a woman who raises a gorilla as a son in which the _Eyes
Wide Shut_ star had to snog monkeys.

"French kissing a monkey is very different to kissing a human, " Alan
explains scientifically. "They have gigantic, wet tongues, which are also
very rough. It's like soggy sandpaper. I would have monkey drool all over
my face. The chimps misinterpreted my open mouth kissing as grooming, and
they would start licking my teeth and under my lips as if I wanted them to
look for lice."

Just in case it isn't painfully obvious, Cumming, 36, also points out
another downside to romance Simian-style.

"Chimps have such bad breath. The other consequence is that ape flu is
unbelievably brutal to humans. The day after I smooched with the chimps, I
got so sick I wanted to die from aches and chills."