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[kirk FZ <frankzoe AT bellsouth.net>]

  General Motors vs. Microsoft


  At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates
  reportedly compared the computer industry with the
  auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with
  technology like the computer industry has, we would all
  be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000
  miles to the gallon."

  In response to Mr. Gates' comments, General Motors
  issued the following press release (by Mr. Welch
  himself, the GM CEO) "If GM had developed technology
  like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the
  following characteristics:

      1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice daily.

      2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road,
          you would have to buy a new car.

      3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn,
           would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart,
           in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

      4. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
          "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

      5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by
          the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive.

     6. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be
          replaced by one "general car default" warning light.

     7. New seats would force everyone to have the same size bottom.

     8. The airbag system would say ("Are you sure?" before going off).

      9. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
           out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the
           door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio
           antenna.

     10. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of
           Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even
           though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete
           this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
          diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for
          investigation by the Justice department.

    11. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would have to
           learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
          would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    12. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.