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[Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>]

> I'm not sure how much of this is law, professional
> ethics or the standards attached to the term Realtor,
> but practice is that once you have talked to an agent
> you don't go to another.

Don't we wish! I cannot count how many people picked my brain about a 
given property, neighborhood, and financing, and then brought in an 
offer written by their incompetent friend who had a real estate 
license but not for his day job.

> I've had this happen in Missouri and Arizona.  When
> one of the kids called the listing agent without
> thinking.  In AZ our agent called the listing agent to
> get his permission before we went any further.  In Mo.
> our agent here wouldn't touch it so the kids had to go
> with the listing agent.

You happened to run into three very professional agents. Not the norm 
for an agent to give up a commission over quibbles about procuring 
cause. And in fact procuring cause is not as easy as the layperson 
thinks. I have chaired many arbitration hearings where we awarded the 
fee to the agent who got the deal done, not the agent who chatted up 
the prospect. One of the sayings among Realtors is, "Get the ink, get 
the money."

> If my agent represents me; he and the buyers agent
> split the commission.  If I have talked to the buyers
> agent he is not obliged to share the commission.

This is not clear. Who is the "he" in the second sentence?

If you are the seller you can talk to any agent you choose. The 
commission is earned and disbursed according to the terms of the 
listing and the amount of commission share offered by the listing 
broker when the listing is placed on the MLS. In Maricopa County, 
this is done very clearly, typically not showing the full percentage 
of the commission, but, with a 2 or a 3, showing how much the buyers 
broker will receive.

> I think this is state law, I know it is custom, and
> required of anyone who uses the term "Realtor"
> Realtor is a trade group and if an agent wants to use
> that title and use multi-listing he is required to
> follow their rules.

The National Association of Realtors does not set commissions, nor do 
they suggest splits, nor does the MLS. The local boards and the MLS 
may very well require that commission splits offered by the listing 
broker be stated on the published listing.

The primary purpose of the Realtor designation is to show adherence 
to the strict Code of Ethics of the NAR.

> Here in Mo I could not choose to pay my
> agent if the sellers would not split, he tells me is
> not legally permitted to accept a consultant fee.

That is most curious.

Here is the Missouri Broker Disclosure Statement. It allows dual 
agency and also for principals to have individual representation. 
Note that under the heading: Other Agency Relationships, one option 
is Buyer's Limited Agent.
http://www.seerealestate.com/missouri_broker_disclosure_form.htm