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  • From: Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>
  • To: "homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org" <homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org>
  • Subject: [Homestead] Pissing trouble
  • Date: Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:00:12 -0700

There is a book by Ozarks' folklorist and author Vance Randolph titled Pissing In The Snow & Other Ozark Folktales, which short title story is worth typing to share with you quiet homesteaders.

Pissing In The Snow
"One time there was two farmers that lived out on the road to Carico. They were always good friends, and Bill's oldest boy had been a-sparking one of Sam's daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down by the creek, and Sam was pretty goddam mad. 'Bill,' he says, 'from now on I don't want that boy of yours to set foot on my place.'
'Why, what's he done?' asked the boy's daddy.
'He pissed in the snow, that's what he done, right in front of my house!'
'But surely, there ain't no great harm in that,' Bill says.
'No harm!' hollered Sam. 'Hell's fire, he pissed so it spelled Lucy's name, right there in the snow!'
'The boy shouldn't have done that,' says Bill. 'But I don't see nothing so terrible bad about it.'
'Well, by God, I do!' yelled Sam. 'There was two sets of tracks! And besides, don't you think I know my own daughter's handwriting?'"

I was reminded of that story by one out of England that I thought to share. The homestead lesson will become apparent:

Man jailed for urinating on tree

By Valerie Elliott

The bizarre upshot of an unneighbourly act carried out under the cover of rural darkness

IT IS the latest skirmish in the war against leylandii and must be one of the ultimate acts of defiance by any neighbour.

This border dispute, however, plumbed new depths when a pensioner repeatedly urinated over his neighbour’s hedge and yesterday found himself locked up at the local police station.

David Jollands, 72, of Caythorpe, Lincolnshire, feared that the dreaded trees, which can grow to 80ft (25m), would tower over his garden — so he used his own gardening expertise to retaliate.

He started going for late-night walks to water the trees with his own urine. To his delight, the trees became brown and withered. Russell Brooks, his neighbour, also spotted the decline of his trees, so kept watch over his garden to catch the culprit on camcorder.

If Jollands had decided to urinate on his neighbour’s compost heap, the outcome could have been so different; for many keen gardeners, urine is the secret ingredient for the perfect planting soil. The gesture may have been seen as a sign of friendship and an end to a boundary dispute that has lasted for eight years.

Urinating regularly, however, on a tree trunk or bark for almost a year creates too much salt, blocking conducting vessels and preventing water from keeping leaves green.

Jollands, a former mill worker, pleaded guilty to a charge of criminal damage to the hedge when he appeared before Grantham magistrates. The court heard that Mr Brooks had become so concerned about the sabotage of his hedge that he asked the local constable to investigate. It was the police officer who spotted wet patches round the tree trunks.

David Atkiss, for the prosecution, told the court: “It became apparent something was wrong when there was a browning of the hedge and a strong smell. After investigation, it was discovered it was the overpowering smell of urine, so Mr Brooks kept watch from a neighbour’s garden.

“He saw Mr Jollands arrive and saw him urinate. He caught the whole incident on a camcorder. After that Mr Jollands walked back to his home.”

Jollands was later arrested and confessed to police that he had been regularly watering the trees with his urine in four or five places for about a year. He told police that the boundary dispute had annoyed him.

Stuart Wild, for the defence, said: “This is a sad case. He had this historic argument with his neighbour and they had not spoken for eight years. He started urinating on his neighbour’s hedge but he has now desisted. He is a particularly proud man who has always scorned outside help.”

Jollands was sentenced to one day in jail to be served at Grantham police station.

Before going into custody, he said: “I have lived in my house all my life except for two years in the Army. I was born there. I don’t want to say too much about what happened but I did have a boundary dispute. Things never run smooth when you’re living in the country.”

The rest of the story will be found at:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1722995,00.html






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