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[Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>]

There is a book by Ozarks' folklorist and author Vance Randolph titled 
Pissing In The Snow & Other Ozark Folktales, which short title story is 
worth typing to share with you quiet homesteaders.

Pissing In The Snow
"One time there was two farmers that lived out on the road to Carico. They 
were always good friends, and Bill's oldest boy had been a-sparking one of 
Sam's daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down 
by the creek, and Sam was pretty goddam mad. 'Bill,' he says, 'from now on 
I don't want that boy of yours to set foot on my place.'
'Why, what's he done?' asked the boy's daddy.
'He pissed in the snow, that's what he done, right in front of my house!'
'But surely, there ain't no great harm in that,' Bill says.
'No harm!' hollered Sam. 'Hell's fire, he pissed so it spelled Lucy's name, 
right there in the snow!'
'The boy shouldn't have done that,' says Bill. 'But I don't see nothing so 
terrible bad about it.'
'Well, by God, I do!' yelled Sam. 'There was two sets of tracks! And 
besides, don't you think I know my own daughter's handwriting?'"

I was reminded of that story by one out of England that I thought to share. 
The homestead lesson will become apparent:

Man jailed for urinating on tree

By Valerie Elliott

The bizarre upshot of an unneighbourly act carried out under the cover of 
rural darkness

IT IS the latest skirmish in the war against leylandii and must be one of 
the ultimate acts of defiance by any neighbour.

This border dispute, however, plumbed new depths when a pensioner 
repeatedly urinated over his neighbour’s hedge and yesterday found himself 
locked up at the local police station.

David Jollands, 72, of Caythorpe, Lincolnshire, feared that the dreaded 
trees, which can grow to 80ft (25m), would tower over his garden — so he 
used his own gardening expertise to retaliate.

He started going for late-night walks to water the trees with his own 
urine. To his delight, the trees became brown and withered. Russell Brooks, 
his neighbour, also spotted the decline of his trees, so kept watch over 
his garden to catch the culprit on camcorder.

If Jollands had decided to urinate on his neighbour’s compost heap, the 
outcome could have been so different; for many keen gardeners, urine is the 
secret ingredient for the perfect planting soil. The gesture may have been 
seen as a sign of friendship and an end to a boundary dispute that has 
lasted for eight years.

Urinating regularly, however, on a tree trunk or bark for almost a year 
creates too much salt, blocking conducting vessels and preventing water 
from keeping leaves green.

Jollands, a former mill worker, pleaded guilty to a charge of criminal 
damage to the hedge when he appeared before Grantham magistrates. The court 
heard that Mr Brooks had become so concerned about the sabotage of his 
hedge that he asked the local constable to investigate. It was the police 
officer who spotted wet patches round the tree trunks.

David Atkiss, for the prosecution, told the court: “It became apparent 
something was wrong when there was a browning of the hedge and a strong 
smell. After investigation, it was discovered it was the overpowering smell 
of urine, so Mr Brooks kept watch from a neighbour’s garden.

“He saw Mr Jollands arrive and saw him urinate. He caught the whole 
incident on a camcorder. After that Mr Jollands walked back to his home.”

Jollands was later arrested and confessed to police that he had been 
regularly watering the trees with his urine in four or five places for 
about a year. He told police that the boundary dispute had annoyed him.

Stuart Wild, for the defence, said: “This is a sad case. He had this 
historic argument with his neighbour and they had not spoken for eight 
years. He started urinating on his neighbour’s hedge but he has now 
desisted. He is a particularly proud man who has always scorned outside help.”

Jollands was sentenced to one day in jail to be served at Grantham police 
station.

Before going into custody, he said: “I have lived in my house all my life 
except for two years in the Army. I was born there. I don’t want to say too 
much about what happened but I did have a boundary dispute. Things never 
run smooth when you’re living in the country.”

The rest of the story will be found at:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1722995,00.html