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[Gene GeRue <genegerue AT ruralize.com>]

In My Next Life
By THOMAS L. FRIEDMAN

Published: November 25, 2004

In my next life, I want to be Tom DeLay, the House majority leader.
Yes, I want to get almost the entire Republican side of the House of 
Representatives to bend its ethics rules just for me. I want to be able to 
twist the arms of House Republicans to repeal a rule that automatically 
requires party leaders to step down if they are indicted on a felony charge 
- something a Texas prosecutor is considering doing to DeLay because of 
corruption allegations.
But most of all, I want to have the gall to sully American democracy at a 
time when young American soldiers are fighting in Iraq so we can enjoy a 
law-based society here and, maybe, extend it to others. Yes, I want to be 
Tom DeLay. I want to wear a little American flag on my lapel in solidarity 
with the troops, while I besmirch every value they are dying for.
If I can't be Tom DeLay, then I want to be one of the gutless Republican 
House members who voted to twist the rules for DeLay out of fear that "the 
Hammer," as they call him, might retaliate by taking away a coveted 
committee position or maybe a parking place.
Yes, I want to be a Republican House member. At a time when 180 of the 211 
members of the 24th Marine Expeditionary Unit in Iraq who have been wounded 
in combat have insisted on returning to duty, I want to look my 
constituents and my kids in the eye and tell them that I voted to empty the 
House ethics rules because I was afraid of Tom DeLay.
If I can't be a Republican House member, I want to be Latrell Sprewell, the 
guard for the Minnesota Timberwolves. I want to say with a straight face 
that if my owner will only give me a three-year contract extension for a 
meager $21 million, then he's not worth working for, because "I've got my 
family to feed."
Yes, I want to be Latrell Sprewell. At a time when N.B.A. games are priced 
beyond the reach of most American families, when half the country can't 
afford health care, when some reservists in Iraq are separated from their 
families for a year, including this Thanksgiving, I want to be like 
Latrell. I want to make sure everyone knows that I'm looking out for my 
family - and no one else's.
If I can't be Latrell Sprewell, I want to be any American college or 
professional athlete. For a mere dunk of the basketball or first-down run, 
I want to be able to dance a jig, as if I'd just broken every record by 
Michael Jordan or Johnny Unitas. For the smallest, most routine bit of 
success in my sport, I want to be able to get in your face - I want to know 
who's your daddy, I want to be able to high-five, low-five, thump my chest 
and dance on your grave. You talkin' to me?
I want to be able to fight on the court, off the court, in the stands and 
on the sidelines. I want to respect no boundaries and no norms. And when I 
make your kids cry, I want to be able to tell you to just "chill" - that my 
coach says "stuff happens" and that my union rep is appealing my punishment 
in the name of the Bill of Rights and the Magna Carta. Yes, in my next 
life, I want to be The Man.
If I can't be The Man, then I at least want to be the owner of a Hummer - 
with American flag decals all over the back bumper, because Hummer owners 
are, on average, a little more patriotic than you and me.
Yes, I want to drive the mother of all gas-guzzlers that gets so little 
mileage you have to drive from gas station to gas station. Yes, I want to 
drive my Hummer and never have to think that by consuming so much oil, I am 
making transfer payments to the worst Arab regimes that transfer money to 
Islamic charities that transfer money to madrassas that teach children 
intolerance, antipluralism and how to hate the infidels.
And when one day one of those madrassa graduates goes off and joins the 
jihad in Falluja and kills my neighbor's son, who is in the U.S. Army 
Rangers, I want to drive to his funeral in my Hummer. Yes, I want to curse 
his killers in front of his mother and wail aloud, "If there was only 
something I could do ..." And then I want to drive home in my Hummer, 
stopping at two gas stations along the way.
If I can't be any of these, then I want to be just a simple blue-state 
red-state American. I want to take time on this Thanksgiving to thank God I 
live in a country where, despite so much rampant selfishness, the public 
schools still manage to produce young men and women ready to voluntarily 
risk their lives in places like Iraq and Afghanistan to spread the 
opportunity of freedom and to protect my own. And I want to thank them for 
doing this, even though on so many days in so many ways we really don't 
deserve them.

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/25/opinion/25friedman.html?oref=login