Biblical Hebrew Forum

[Shoshanna Walker <rosewalk AT concentric.net>]

> Original-From: "rubin" <rubin AT panama.c-com.net>
>
>
> 1.  Chanukah is known as
>
> a.  The Festival of Lights
> b.  The Holiday of Rededication
> c.  The Jewish Christmas
> d.  The Yiddish Ramadan
>
> 2.  The heroes of the holiday of Chanukah lived in
>
> a.  Ancient Palestine
> b.  Ancient Israel
> c.  The Occupied Territories
> d.  The Liberated Territories
> e.  A three floor walk-up in Brooklyn
>
> 3.  The Jews of the time of the first Chanukah worshipped
>
> a.  At the Holy Temple in Jerusalem
> b.  At a less holy temple about ten miles west of Jerusalem
> c.  Wherever they could get High Holiday tickets
> d.  All of the above...except b. and c.
>
> 4.  Suddenly, a new, cruel leader (what else is new?) came to power in
> Syria, whose name was
>
> a.  Hafiz al-Assad
> b.  Yassir Arafat
> c.  Antiochus
> d.  Antisemite
> e.  Antibody
>
> 5.  This evil leader abruptly commanded the Jews of his kingdom to
>
> a.  Eat pig
> b.  Eat at McDonald's
> c.  Eat everything on their plates
> d.  Become idol worshippers
> e.  Collect Pokeman cards
>
> 6.  There arose a brave elder among the Jewish people who helped
> to lead a revolt against the Syrians, whose name was
>
> a.  Mattathias
> b.  Mattityahu
> c.  Matthew
> d.  Mendive the Poet
> e.  Merwin
> f.   Mud  ( His name would have been Mud had he lost)
>
> 7.  Mattityahu (what a relief-that's the answer to # 6) had sons by
> the names of
>
> a.  Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo and Gummo
> b.  Huey, Dewey and Louis
> c.  Jacob, Joey, Jeremy and Christopher (his wife became less traditional as
> she grew older)
> d.  None of the above 

> 8.  The last name of this glorious family was
>
> a.  Marx (see #7a)
> b.  Duck (see #7b)
> c.  Abu ben Amir (it wasn't easy to be a Jew in those days)
> d.  Smythe (it's not easy today)
> e.  Maccabee
>
> 9.  The town in which the heroic family lived was
>
> a.  Modin
> b.  Mahwah
> c.  Crown Heights
> d.  Farfallen Heights
> e.  No Place, Tenneesee
> f.   Park Place near Boardwalk
>
> 10. The name "Maccabee" (you wait long enough, you get most of
> the answers) translates to mean
>
> a.  "May the Lord be with us, 'caus, if He's not, we're in big trouble"
> b.  "Son of a Star"
> c.  "Son of a Gun"
> d.  "Nails," because the Maccabees nailed the Syrian army
>
> 11. Where did the Jews fight the Syrians?
>
> a.  At Entebbe
> b.  At Natanya
> c.  Through thick and thin
> d.  With blood, sweat and tears
> e.  Pearl Harbor
> f.   42nd Street and Broadway
>
> 12. After many long and agonizing battles, the Jews defeated their
> oppressors. The final score of the war was
>
> a.  Maccabees 9, Syrians 2
> b.  Maccabees 613, Syrians 0
> c.  Maccabees 11, Maccabees 1
>
> 13. In order to purify the Holy Temple, the Jews had to
>
> a.  Get a good cleaning person who would do floors
> b.  Get a good cleaning person who would do walls and windows too (now
> that's a miracle!)
> c.  Get rid of the chazar-fleisch
> d.  Get some lamp oil
>
> 14. The oil the Maccabees found was sufficient for only
>
> a.  One day
> b.  Seven days
> c.  Seven days in Israel, eight in the Diaspora (go figure)
>
> 15  But there was a great miracle, as the oil used for resanctifying the
> Temple ended up lasting
>
> a.  Until it needed an oil change
> b.  Twelve days
> c.  Twelve days, but for you, eight days
>
> 16. Hannah was a heroine of the first Chanukah, who had
>
> a.  Five daughters
> b.  No, it was Tevye the Fiddler who had five daughters
> c.  Seven sons
> d.  Six sons
> e.  Five sons
> f.   Four sons and Leroy
>
> 17. One of the great coincidences of history is that:
>
> a.  Chanukah begins on the 25th day of the Hebrew month Kislev, and
>  Christmas takes place on the 25th day of the Julian  month of December
> b.  Chanukah and charoset (from Passover) both start with "ch"
> c.  Charlie Brown starts with a "ch"
> d.  Chop Suey starts with a "ch"
>
> 18. Among the Talmudic rulings on this holiday is that:
>
> a.  The lamp must be lit at sunset
> b.  The lamp should be placed outside the entrance of one's house
> c.  The lamp should be set on a window nearest the street
> d.  Your fire insurance should be paid up every year by the beginning of
> Kislev
> e.  Chanukah used to be the day before Tu B'Shvat but the rabbis moved it to
> avoid forest fires
>
> 19. Jewish women are obligated to also kindle the Chanukah lamp because..
>
> a.  They were included in the miracle, according to Tractate Shabbat,
> b.  They were threatening to picket the Holy Temple according to the to
> feminist magazine Lilith, page 21
>
> 20. One of the major debates in the Talmud involves:
>
> a. The House of Shammai suggesting that we light eight lights on the first
> night of Chanukah, and then one less each following night and
> The House of Hillel suggesting that we light one light on the first
> night, and then one more each following night
> b. The House of Rubin the Elder suggesting that we drink some 7UP or
> seltzer water after devouring too many greasy latkes
>
> 21. Because Chanukah is considered such a joyous holiday, Jews are
>
> a.  Forbidden to eulogize the dead
> b.  Forbidden to fast
> c.  Forbidden to cover their neighbor's Christmas lights, especially since
> the concept was taken from the holiday lights of Chanukah, anyway
>
> 22. The special Al-Hanissim prayer is added to religious services and the
> Grace After Meals during the eight days of Chanukah.  It translates as:
>
> a.  "Thanks for the Miracles."
> b.  "Thanks for the Memories"
>  ( Yes, Bob Hope actually entertained the Maccabean troops)
>
> 23. According to the Encyclopedia Judaica, there were many communities in
> the Middle Ages where Jewish women were forbidden to work while the Chanukah
> lights were burning.  This reportedly led many rabbis of the era to:
>
> a.  Move to another community that followed a different custom
> b.  Push for a one or two day Chanukah
> c.  Use far less oil in their lamps
> d.  Re-write the stupid rules.
> e.  Marry a gentile wife
>
> 24. A long-accepted tradition of Jews around the world is for the parents to
> give their children:
>
> a.  Chanukah gelt (money), over the eight days of the holiday
> b.  Jewish guilt (often over money), over the twelve months until the next
> Chanukah
>
> 25. On the holiday of Chanukah, millions of Jews all over the world
>
> a.  Spin the dreidel
> b.  Hang the mistletoe
> c.  Book a cruise for Easter
> d.  Decorate a Chanukah Bush
> e.  Look for Arafat's new address.
>
> ...researched by rubin