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  • From: Paul Jones <pjones AT metalab.unc.edu>
  • To: internetworkers AT lists.ibiblio.org
  • Subject: [internetworkers] How I stole your election (ha ha ha ha!!!) (fwd)
  • Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2004 14:58:27 -0500 (EST)

I don't know what I did to deserve to be one of the ones getting this very
personal message from our victorious President, but I feel a urge to share
his confessions with you, my friends. (I promise that I had nothing to do
with the message other than to pass it on to you)>

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 09 Nov 2004 11:24:39 -0800
From: George W.Bush <GWB AT whitehouse.gov>
To: pjones AT metalab.unc.edu
Subject: How I stole your election (ha ha ha ha!!!)

How I Stole Your Election
by George W. Bush

The first thing I did to steal your election was to make friends with ALL
the manufacturers and code-verifyers of the Electronic Voting Machines.
They were really nice, especially Diebold who gave me $600,000 for my
campaign. Wow, thanks dude!

http://nuclearfree.lynx.co.nz/stealing.htm

Next, I had my attack dog, Karl Rove, convince these companies to either
alter the vote totals on the central tabulator machines (simple PCs
running windows using Remote Access Server -- RAS), or reprogram (via a
downloadable software patch) the voting machines themselves so that they
would give the advantage to ME! Isn't America great?!? A little money
and some religious zealotry goes a looooong, loooong way. Oh, the
religious zealotry thing? That's just a cover. I'm not really a
Christian -- or at least I don't act like one. Anyway, I digress.

http://www.ejfi.org/Voting/Voting-25.htm#rig

Did you ever hear the media complaining about how inaccurate the exit
polls were in prior elections? No. That's because they basically ARE
accurate. But this election, the exit polls showed Kerry WAY ahead. No
problem. My buddies rigged the machines (and all they needed to do was
rig it in one state, Ohio, but they took care of at least Florida for me
too) not only to make me squeak by in the important battleground states,
like Florida and Ohio, but they also made sure that when I did get a state
that I was expected to win, the margin was HUGE so that my "popular" vote
would make it look like I had a mandate.

So let's recap how the popular vote thing worked again. Let's say we
didn't want it to look suspicious by taking states that Kerry really would
have won (except for Ohio and Florida, gotta take those! heh heh). So we
let him win there, but in order once again to boost the "popular" vote (I
put that in quotes because as you know, I'm not REALLY popular), we bring
my vote tallies RIGHT UP NEXT to Kerry's, to jack up the "popular" vote as
much as possible, even if I didn't win the state.

Then, with states like North Carolina, we know we're going to steal the
state anyway (at least according to what the exit polls were telling
everyone.... and according to the long, long lines of new voters were
telling everyone ... because we all know most of those people were voting
for Kerry, not the status quo), so we just jack the crap out of the vote
total to REALLY stuff a crapload of "popular" votes in my pocket. You
see, this way I can get on the TV and declare that I have a "mandate" and
that I'm going to "cash in" on my political "capital" (which I don't
really have of course, but we made it look that way).

Here's a nice chart to show you what I mean. Take special note of how the
electronic voting machine totals compare to the paper ballot totals. And
see what I mean about North Carolina?
http://www.bandsagainstbush.org/cgi-bin/archives/exit_poll.gif

Look folks, if you really want me out of office, first you're going to
have to impeach me. But you know what, if you don't have verifiable paper
trails at the polls like these folks recommend (
http://openvotingconsortium.org/ ), and if you don't take these voting
machines out of the hands of private companies that are aligned with one
end of the political spectrum, then I'm gonna just continue to hose you
(and then my brother Jeb will be president too cause we're into this
dynasty thing, kind of like my buddies the Saudis... ain't it cool?!?).
Also, in 2006, we're going to steal about five more senate seats, and then
we'll have the "super-majority". That means the Democrats can't do that
confounded fillerbs... fillas.... fillbusters.... CRAP, well, they can't
get in the darn way any more and we can pass ANY laws we want about
ANYTHING and put whoever we want on the Supreme court. Ha ha, then you're
REALLY screwed. So if you don't fix this mess (I mean great system) in
two years and have a verifiable voting system nationwide, America is
MINE!!!!! (and Jeb's and my daddy's and Cheney's and Rove's... hey, we
could even pass a law saying I could be president for FOUR MORE YEARS
after 2008! That would be SOOO cool!) Anyway, I digress once again.

Here's one of my favorite sites: http://www.nogw.com/electionfraud.html

And that pesky Bev Harris. Man I wish she would go away. If too many of
you contribute to her cause, I might just get in trouble so KNOCK IT OFF!!

http://www.blackboxvoting.org/

I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Fool me once.....", oh CRAP, I
forgot again. Well how about this? "This would be a heck of lot easier
if this was [grammar incorrect] a dictatorship.... just so long as I'm the
dictator. Heh, heh." Well, sorry to say folks, but I got my way. What
are you gonna do about it, huh? Bring it on!!!

http://votergate.tv/votergate/votergatethemovie_64kb.mov

"Sincerely" Yours,
"President" George W. Bush

P.S. Pass it on! I dare ya.




  • [internetworkers] How I stole your election (ha ha ha ha!!!) (fwd), Paul Jones, 11/09/2004

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