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[Steven Champeon <schampeo AT hesketh.com>]

on Fri, Nov 17, 2000 at 04:19:50PM -0500, Joanna Wolfe (919)677-0977 wrote:
> I understand that there is piece of email humor floating 
> around about the the Queen of England taking over the US 
> due to the fact that the US seems unable to decide who 
> will be president.  
> 
> Since we work for a british company here, we are anxious
> to have a look at this.  If someone can forward me a copy,
> I'd appreciate it.

I've seen several variations, but here's one:


TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

In light of your failure to elect a new President and thus to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except
Utah, which she does not fancy.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

Tax inspection officers representing Her Majesty's Government will
call in due course to collect monies owed, backdated to 1776.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules will be introduced, with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally,
you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary".  Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with
filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will inform the
Microsoft Corporation on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1. We would not want
you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. There will be no such game as "American" football. The NFL will be
duly closed down. All players will remove their kevlar body armour,
resist the urge to rest every 20 seconds and learn to play rugby
properly. Initially they will probably have to play with the
girls. Any of those still wishing to play football will be taught the
rules of soccer.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France. We will gladly assist
if they give you any "merde".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. It will be replaced by
November 5th.

9. Mel Gibson will be arrested and hung for treason forthwith.

10. You will stop referring to the World Series of Baseball, at least
until the rest of the world actually joins in.

11. You will not say "Whaaaasssup."  Ever.

12. Waitresses will be strictly instructed not to tell you their names
before you eat.

Thank you for your co-operation.



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