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  • From: Tvoivozhd <tvoivozd AT infionline.net>
  • To: homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org
  • Subject: [Homestead] Tammy church woes
  • Date: Thu, 26 Aug 2004 13:53:37 -0700

VATOCO6 AT aol.com wrote:

I tried to return to the Catholic Church recently after 20+ years away. (Yes, Tvo, I KNOW it was a dumb idea.) I just wanted a faith community. I was raised Catholic, and met some amazing people along the way. I missed the rituals, the incense, the prayer.

Tammy in Colorado

tvoivozhd---yeah, I can relate to that---deeply imbedded in the human psyche is the urge to sit at the feet of the Alpha Ape---at tribal level such ritual was a survival trait to insure the entire small tribe acted as one against outside threats.

Eric Hoffer demonstrated that for the "True Believer" ideologies are completely interchangeable under compulsion such as exerted by Constantine and his "Edict of Milan", and by counter-compulsion exerted by Islam "convert or die" conquests.

Without compulsion, inertia and childhood brainwashing generally keeps people in the same rut.


I can see we have to revive the Church of Tvo---under a different name of course so we can broaden the base beyond that of the Homestead List.

Need to recruit a new Harpy contingent though---all those big male angels like Moroni are dead or at least don't flap around any more. More likely dead, they don't even travel by Greyhound or Amtrak, and I don't see any Angel drivers in Honda or Toyota ads either---might be in $100,000 Humvee ads, God-duh doesn't audit their expense accounts, so if you can't find them in Humvee ads, check the roulette tables at Monte Carlo.

Harpies have their drawbacks---they moult often and are as messy as starlings until their feathers grow back, but at least they don't have to run two miles at forty miles an hour to become airborne. I feel this was the major cause of the demise of Moroni and his fellow angels. With a wingspread of six feet and body weight of two hundred fifty pounds the wing-loading was vastly more than they could sustain without having two hearts and doubled lung capacity. Heart attacks took them all out.

What will we call it? I favor "Church Of The Bad Attitude" since a major adjunct has to be "The Midnight Re-education Committee" carrying attitude-adjusting Georgia Pine two-by-fours, and maybe pliers to pull out fingernails when the two-by-fours are insufficient as attitude-adjusters.

Need to work up a Heavenly Organization Chart too, and a a Godly Map for the tourist trade---Hell is free for permanent residents, i.e., poor people who can't pay, but there are toll booths all over Heaven for rich Republicans who have figured out a way to take it with them.

For example, the Wing Repair Station has very high fees and the rent on harps seems to go up daily---the Holy Harp Cartel doesn't permit competition in Heaven any more than Big Oil, Big Coal, Big Timber on earth..

And the round-the-clock hosannah-shrieking is very good for the Jesus Earplug Company sales too.

"Christ Casino", managed by Donald Trump, will sell you the chips you need to drop in the "St. Peter Toll Booth" so you don't stand in line forever.

I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself, we really should begin with the starting gate. There's only one, with St Peter standing beside the Toll Booth. The line is backed up for thousands of miles, with all sorts of shops on each side---one of the most important selling heavenly passports. Another popular site is "Holy Hovercraft", which rents ground-effect vehicles capable of negotiating the Golden Stairs and getting around where there are no electric trolleys, no metropolitan bus routes and a heavenly bar against importing your personal SUV or foue-wheel drive pickup. No matter, there are no gas stations either, the Holy Hovercraft are solar powered...

You will not want to miss the "Divine Interest" shop either. If you do not invest in heavenly enterprises like "No Bid Halliburton Food Services", you will sooner or later consume all your capital.

After you climb the Golden Stairs, it is important you note the location of the "Hellbent Tourist Agency" As a lifelong entrepreneur with an unerrant instinct for market demand, I founded this enterprise, knowing full well that residents of Heaven would feel compelled to escape the incessant din of raucous hosannahs and untuned harps. They can't legally change residence, but there's no law against going to Hell as a tourist.














  • [Homestead] Tammy church woes, Tvoivozhd, 08/26/2004

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