Biblical Hebrew Forum

["Bill Ross" <wross AT farmerstel.com>]

Ala "Who's On First"...


>>ABBOTT & COSTELLO LEARN HEBREW
>>by Rabbi Jack Moline

>>ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
>>COSTELLO: I'm ready to learn.
>>A: Now, the first thing you must understand is that
>>Hebrew and English have many words which sound alike,
>>but they do not mean the same thing.
>>C: Sure, I understand.
>>A: Now, don't be too quick to say that.
>>>C: How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's
>>simple-some words in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they
>>don't mean the same.
>>A: Precisely.
>>C: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean
>>in Hebrew?
>>A: No, no. Precisely is an English word.
>>C: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to
>>learn Hebrew. So make with the Hebrew.
>>A: Fine. Let's start with mee.
>>C: You.
>>A: No , mee.
>>C: Fine, we'll start with you.
>>A: No, we'll start with mee.
>>C: Okay, have it your way.
>>A: Now, mee is who.
>>C: You is Abbott.
>>A: No, no, no. Mee is who.
>>C: You is Abbott.
>>A: You don't understand.
>>C: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
>>A: Yes I did. Mee is who.
>>C: You is Abbott.
>>A: No, You Misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about
>>mee.
>>C: Well, you're a nice enough guy.
>>A: No, no. Tell me about mee!
>>C: Who?
>>A: Precisely.
>>C: Precisely what?
>>A: Precisely who.
>>C: It's precisely whom!
>>A: No, mee is who.
>>C: Don't start that again-go on to something else.
>>A: All right. Hu is he.
>>C: Who is he?
>>A: Yes.
>>C: I don't know. Who is he?
>>A: Sure you do. You just said it.
>>C: I just said what?
>>A: Hu is he.
>>C: Who is he?
>>A: Precisely.
>>C: Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
>>A: No, precisely hee.
>>C: Precisely he? Who is he?
>>A: Precisely!
>>C: And what about me?
>>A: Hu.
>>C : me, me, me!
>>A : Hu, hu, hu!
>>C : What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
>>A : No, hu is he!
>>C: I don't know I maybe he is me!
>>A: No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)
>>C: Do his parents know about this?
>>A: About what?
>>C: About her!
>>A: What about her?
>>C: That she is he!
>>A No, you've got it wrong-hee is she!
>>C:' Then who is he?
>>A: Precisely!
>>C: Who?
>>A: He!
>>C: Me?
>>A: Hu!
>>C: He?
>>A; She!
>>C Who is she?
>>A: No, hu is he.
>>C: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
>>A: No, that's not right.
>>C: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing
>>here when I said it, and I know me.
>>A: Hu.
>>C: Who?
>>A: Precisely!
>>C: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
>>A: No, hee is she!
>>C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a
>>little
>>Hebrew, and now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
>>A: Go ahead.
>>C: Now first You want to know me is who.
>>A: Correct.
>>C: And then you say who is he.
>>A: Absolutely.
>>C : And then you tell me he is she.
>>A & C: Precisely!
>>C : Now look at this logically. If me is who. And who is
>>he. And he is she. Don't it stand to reason that me is
>>she?
>>A: Who?
>>C: She!
>>A: That is he!
>>C: Who is he?
>>A & C: Precisely!
>>C: I have just about had it. You have me confused I
>>want to go home. You know what I want? Ma!
>>A: What.
>>C I said Ma.
>>A: What.
>>Q: What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
>>A: What!
>>C: Not what, who!
>>A: He!
>>C: Not he! Ma is not he!
>>A: Of course not! Hu is he!
>>C I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care
>>who is he, he is she, me is who, ma is what. I just want
>>to go home now and play with my dog.
>>A: Fish.
>>C Fish?
>>A: Dag is fish.
>>C: That's all, I'm outa here.