Stay Free! update | 23 May 2001

Carrie McLaren carrie at
Wed May 23 14:21:47 EDT 2001

:: A haphazardly compiled summary from the world of Stay Free! ::

Included herein:

a) New on Stay Free's website: "True Gentleman Urinates on Dumpster"
   by Jason Torchinsky (from issue #17)
b) Correction (from new issue of the magazine, #18)
c) Recent links of interest
d) Upcoming New York Event

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Now that the new issue (#18) of Stay Free! is out, I'm finally finishing
getting the old issue on the site. This appeared in the last magazine:

True Gentleman Urinates on Dumpster:
Jason Torchinsky Tours the Playboy Mansion

[ by Jason Torchinsky ]

Last week, I received an invitation from Johnnie Walker to "The Journey of
Taste." This Journey was to take place at none other than the Playboy
Mansion. Wow. I was suitably impressed, not just with the details of the
event but that the Johnnie Walker Company was insightful and sensitive
enough to realize that I, Jason Torchinsky, was among the "true gentlemen"
in Los Angeles. Their feat in deducing this was even more extraordinary
when one considers the scene in which I received the invite: after 11 a.m.,
I'm barely awake, still unshowered, and standing in the living room with
one hand firmly in my underpants. Yes, I thought to myself as I walked
barefoot through the remains of a pizza that littered the floor, I'd be
delighted to have "My Share of the Scotch" with you, fellow gentlemen!

After my euphoria at being mistaken for a "true gentleman" had worn off, I
began to think about this event. What was Johnnie Walker up to? Obviously,
he felt that people of my age, sex, and income just weren't drinking as
much Scotch as they could be. Well, they're right. I have no interest in
Scotch, largely for the same reason that this invite seems so insipid:
Scotch reeks of dorky white guys trying to seem like wealthier dorky white
guys. The Johnnie Walker Company is playing on some sort of extinct idea of
young manhood-the sort that wrote letters to Playboy inquiring about the
best hi-fi to buy or what kind gift one brings to a day of yachting- a type
of man I haven't even heard from since I found my dad's book of Playboy
party jokes.

Still, as posturing and dorky as the event promised to be, it was still the
Playboy Mansion, which is probably worth seeing for the hell of it, and
there's going to be free food and booze, so why not? I called and made
reservations for three..

continued at

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CORRECTION! (on page 37 of the new issue of Stay Free -- in stores now!)

The correct answer to "Pop Quiz" question #3 is C, not D. (Coca-Cola
strategists in Germany did just about everything they could to cozy up to
Nazis EXCEPT place a swastika on bottle caps.)

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"Birds learn to copy cell phone tones"

"Researchers delve into environmental effects of products"
(If you read between the lines in this otherwise dry news story about the
environmental hazards of pharmeceuticals, you will find the sad tale of a
teeny tiny fish who must endure life in the sea without fins, dependent on
the cruel sway of the current, helpless against predators and unable to
cure his hunger or find solace in dreams for offspring never born.)

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Pranks and Hoaxes: a panel discussion

Wednesday, June 6, 8 pm (part I) & 9:30 (part II)
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
in association with the T***** Comedy Festival
(22nd St. and 7th Ave.)

Matt Besser (Upright Citizens Brigade)
Joey Skaggs (hoaxster/prankster/pain-in-the-ass)
Scott Pelligrino (
Andrew Boyd (Billionaires for Bush or
Carrie McLaren (Stay Free!)

Moderated by Mark Dery, freelance intellectual. Admission is $10, a ripoff
considering shows at UCB usually only cost $5...I say skip the panel and go
to Harold Night instead! or if you really want to spend ten bucks you can
go see Mr. Skaggs, who will have his own show the night before (Tues. June
5; same time/place). If you haven't seen his stuff before, it is worth your

New issue of Stay Free! magazine in stores now! -- or buy it here:

NOTE TO MAGAZINE SUBSCRIBERS: If you are a paid subscriber, you should be
on the extra special paid subscriber list -- not this one. Please
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