Dumb and Dumber (Not so humorous - God speaks)

Hugh Lovel uai at alltel.net
Thu Jun 29 05:11:24 EDT 2000

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>Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 23:49:11 -0400
>From: Dave Miller <recycler at eclipse.net>
>Reply-To: recycler at eclipse.net
>Organization: Concepts In Kitchens, Inc.
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>Subject: Dumb and Dumber (Not so humorous - God speaks)
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>And so God is giving an assessment of how the Earth is doing::
>Creator: "Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
>world is going on down there? What happened to the dandelions,
>violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,
>no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
>withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
>long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees, and flocks
>of song birds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now.
>But, all I see are these green rectangles!"
>St. Francis: "It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
>Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to
>great pains to kill them and replace them with grass."
>Creator: "Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
>attract butterflies, birds, and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
>temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want
>all that grass growing there?"
>St. Francis: "Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
>and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
>poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn."
>Creator: "The spring rains and cool weather probably make grass grow
>really fast. That must make them happy."
>St. Francis: "Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little,
>they cut it - sometimes twice a week."
>Creator: "They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"
>St. Francis: "Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it
>in bags."
>Creator: "They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
>St. Francis: "No, Lord. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it
>Creator: "Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it
>will grow. When it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
>St. Francis: "Yes, Lord"
>Creator: "Those Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
>cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the
>growth and saves them a lot of work."
>St. Francis: "You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
>stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to
>water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it."
>Creator: "What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. Now
>that was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees
>grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.
>In the autumn, they fall to the ground and forma a natural blanket
>to keep moisture in the soils and protect the trees and bushes.
>Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soils.
>It's a natural circle of life!"
>St. Francis: "You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
>a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
>piles and have them hauled away."
>Creator: "No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
>the winter and keep the soil moist and loose?"
>St. Francis: "After throwing away your leaves, they go out and buy
>something they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
>place of the leaves."
>Creator: "And where do they get this mulch?"
>St. Francis: "They cut down trees and grind them up."
>Creator: "Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Cathy,
>you're in charge of the arts. What movie did you schedule for
>St. Catherine: "It's called 'Dumb and Dumber,' Lord. It's a real
>stupid movie about..."
>Creator: "Never mind, I think I've just heard the whole story!"
>So you know why I sent this. Comments are welcomed. Please pass along.
>Recycler Dave
>A remodeler, drummer, Kindred Spirit...
>Put a pebble in your pocket and a penny in your shoe!
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