There are certain things about the Lakota culture and people that I really treasure and love; working with Lakota has given me some really valuable insights into applying permaculture principles.
A couple of nights ago at Pine Ridge on a chilly fall night, we shared tobacco and heart-speech around a fire, Lakota fashion.
Each person was given a chance to speak from his or her heart, for as long as we wanted to, and say whatever we wanted to say, while everyone else gave full attention, respect and honor to that person. What a healing action that was for our project!
When I first arrived at Pine Ridge in 2005, a Lakota explained to me that in their culture, they often pause before responding to someone's comment, and this is often misinterpreted as "being slow or dull." In fact, it is a deep sign of respect for the other person - an indication that you are truly listening - and not just listening, but taking the time to actually consider what the other person said and their viewpoint on things, thoughtfully, before responding.
A form of thoughtful and protracted observation...
I am a fast talker from Los Angeles; at first, this manner of speaking was quite disconcerting to me and even jarring. I was continually interrupting the person I spoke with or finishing their sentence. I still find myself going off half cocked at times, but I've learned something from the Lakota way. When I do use this form of communication, it almost always results in deeper understanding and better relations.
To Lakota, listening to and understanding others is important. That is not something that is much valued in this culture - we put far more emphasis on communicating our own viewpoints and convincing others of them.
One Lakota friend said jokingly, "sometimes it takes us a week or month to respond to someone's comment." But it wasn't really a joke. I've actually seen Lakota do that with each other, and it is totally understood when it happens.
I realized that sometimes it takes all of us that long to truly process certain things that happen to us, or that are said to us. Or even years! What a luxury, in a way, to be able to wait that long to respond, and have the other person understand and appreciate that you are being thoughtful about it :-)
I have incorporated the "talking stick" or "sharing tobacco" into all of my community efforts. It is one of the most powerful invisible structure tools I know of for building compassion and understanding and therefore, a stronger community.
It's harder via email - I've tried it one on one with wonderful results, but never in a group. But perhaps it is something we would want to try here....There really is no reason it wouldn't work, now that I think about it.
I realized after the tobacco sharing that I have a modus operandi on the internet, especially when debate is raging, of going into persuasion essay mode, which doesn't usually entail careful listening and understanding.
I am going to hand over the talking stick to whoever wishes to hold it and speak their heart with respect and honor. I pledge to listen thoughtfully, and to strive to understand your heart.
Love, Cory
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