To: "homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org" <homestead AT lists.ibiblio.org>
Subject: [Homestead] Pissing trouble
Date: Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:00:12 -0700
There is a book by Ozarks' folklorist and author Vance Randolph titled
Pissing In The Snow & Other Ozark Folktales, which short title story is
worth typing to share with you quiet homesteaders.
Pissing In The Snow
"One time there was two farmers that lived out on the road to Carico. They
were always good friends, and Bill's oldest boy had been a-sparking one of
Sam's daughters. Everything was going fine till the morning they met down
by the creek, and Sam was pretty goddam mad. 'Bill,' he says, 'from now on
I don't want that boy of yours to set foot on my place.'
'Why, what's he done?' asked the boy's daddy.
'He pissed in the snow, that's what he done, right in front of my house!'
'But surely, there ain't no great harm in that,' Bill says.
'No harm!' hollered Sam. 'Hell's fire, he pissed so it spelled Lucy's name,
right there in the snow!'
'The boy shouldn't have done that,' says Bill. 'But I don't see nothing so
terrible bad about it.'
'Well, by God, I do!' yelled Sam. 'There was two sets of tracks! And
besides, don't you think I know my own daughter's handwriting?'"
I was reminded of that story by one out of England that I thought to share.
The homestead lesson will become apparent:
Man jailed for urinating on tree
By Valerie Elliott
The bizarre upshot of an unneighbourly act carried out under the cover of
rural darkness
IT IS the latest skirmish in the war against leylandii and must be one of
the ultimate acts of defiance by any neighbour.
This border dispute, however, plumbed new depths when a pensioner
repeatedly urinated over his neighbours hedge and yesterday found himself
locked up at the local police station.
David Jollands, 72, of Caythorpe, Lincolnshire, feared that the dreaded
trees, which can grow to 80ft (25m), would tower over his garden so he
used his own gardening expertise to retaliate.
He started going for late-night walks to water the trees with his own
urine. To his delight, the trees became brown and withered. Russell Brooks,
his neighbour, also spotted the decline of his trees, so kept watch over
his garden to catch the culprit on camcorder.
If Jollands had decided to urinate on his neighbours compost heap, the
outcome could have been so different; for many keen gardeners, urine is the
secret ingredient for the perfect planting soil. The gesture may have been
seen as a sign of friendship and an end to a boundary dispute that has
lasted for eight years.
Urinating regularly, however, on a tree trunk or bark for almost a year
creates too much salt, blocking conducting vessels and preventing water
from keeping leaves green.
Jollands, a former mill worker, pleaded guilty to a charge of criminal
damage to the hedge when he appeared before Grantham magistrates. The court
heard that Mr Brooks had become so concerned about the sabotage of his
hedge that he asked the local constable to investigate. It was the police
officer who spotted wet patches round the tree trunks.
David Atkiss, for the prosecution, told the court: It became apparent
something was wrong when there was a browning of the hedge and a strong
smell. After investigation, it was discovered it was the overpowering smell
of urine, so Mr Brooks kept watch from a neighbours garden.
He saw Mr Jollands arrive and saw him urinate. He caught the whole
incident on a camcorder. After that Mr Jollands walked back to his home.
Jollands was later arrested and confessed to police that he had been
regularly watering the trees with his urine in four or five places for
about a year. He told police that the boundary dispute had annoyed him.
Stuart Wild, for the defence, said: This is a sad case. He had this
historic argument with his neighbour and they had not spoken for eight
years. He started urinating on his neighbours hedge but he has now
desisted. He is a particularly proud man who has always scorned outside help.
Jollands was sentenced to one day in jail to be served at Grantham police
station.
Before going into custody, he said: I have lived in my house all my life
except for two years in the Army. I was born there. I dont want to say too
much about what happened but I did have a boundary dispute. Things never
run smooth when youre living in the country.