Stay Free! | 7 April 2003
carrie at stayfreemagazine.org
Mon Apr 7 13:49:31 EDT 2003
Posted at http://www.stayfreemagazine.org/public/index.html
I don't know how many of you saw this story last month but in case
you missed it:
> A Middle Eastern Disney World would ensure lasting
> peace in Iraq by easing fear and anger among children,
> according to Deepak Chopra, the popular self-help guru.
> The idea is one of 10 suggestions Dr. Chopra outlines
> in an essay that is to appear today in several European
> -- National Post, March 11, 2003
Genuis, huh? As soon as I read about this, I called my buddy Jason
Torchinsky out in LA and we debated Mr. Chopra's other nine
suggestions. Since they are equally impressive as the Disney idea, we
are reprinting part of Chopra's editorial here.
[ ... ]
2. It will, as the Benevolent Being knows, take more than the "Magic
Carpet Ride" to ease tensions in the Middle East. We need to be
mindful of the fact that Iraq is suffering from a severe sense of
global victimization. To soothe Iraq's tired collective ego, the
vitriol of the world could be turned to a smaller, weaker country
that Iraq can join the rest of the world in tormenting. I suggest
either Iceland or Andorra.
3. Exposure to other cultures will help ease Iraq's cultural
isolation and bring its people closer to enlightenment. Therefore,
arrangements will be made for large-scale celebrations of Cinco de
Mayo, Oktoberfest, Mayday, and Bastille day with lots of free booze
and costumes for everyone. And lovingkindness, too.
4. The people of Iraq need some domestic focus for their aggression.
To achieve this, peacekeeping troops could issue cellphones
specifically designed for in-theater use only. At the same time, UN
inspectors could see that Iraqi car owners are reeducated in special
centers where they will learn how to drive incredibly slow, in two
simultaneous lanes, and with a turn signal constantly activated.
5. For peace to endure, healing needs to begin at home. Humanitarian
aid organizations should work closely with Iraqi families to rename
Muslim children with less aggressive, more compassionate-sounding
names. "Mohammed" and "Mustafa" could become "Rusty" and "Dakota."
6. The countries of the world should just let them win the Olympics in 2004.
7. In a gesture of faith and solidarity, General Motors should
transfer production of the Chevrolet Camaro to factories in Iraq so
that the people will have a truly bitchin' ride to call their own.
8. In order to prevent future attacks on Iraq and to heal the
country's spiritual malaise, Iraq will become the "World's Pound" and
all newborn puppies and kittens will be immediately ferried to large,
well-maintained compounds in Iraq. All children desiring puppies or
kittens will then happily journey to Iraq, the land of puppies and
9. To improve the self-images of millions of Iraqi women, armies of
highly trained cosmetologists will be dispatched to provide free,
comprehensive makeovers. Designers such as Versace and Donna Karan
should volunteer to provide Iraqi women with tighter, sexier,
clothing to replace the tent-like fashions they currently endure.
10. Every Iraqi's smoothie intake will be increased by over 500%
until they are all so healthy, happy, and full of balancing
electrolytes they can't even sit down long enough to think about
-- Jason Torchinsky & Carrie McLaren (Jason wrote all the funny parts)
MAYOR OFFERS NAMING RIGHTS TO NEW YORK CITY
Bloomberg moves on his plan to find corporate sponsors for various
New York City facilities. Grrrrr. Read about it here:
And here are my arguments against Bloomberg's earlier plan to sell
rights to city parks (scroll down a bit):
What you can do to help:
Tell Mayor Bloomberg what you think of this. Call Mayor Bloomberg's
chief-of-staff, Peter Madonia. His phone is 212.788.2728 and fax is
212.788.7169. Or write: Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg, City Hall, New
York, NY 10007. You can also email him::
(But since email is easily ignored, also fax or mail your letter.)
STAY FREE! PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION
New York >>
Thurs. April 10, 7:30 pm - Schmio Awards. With Mark Crispin Miller,
the Last Poets, Greg Palast, Richard Meltzer, Deedee Halleck, and
Carrie McLaren. @ NYU's Sakland Auditorium, 421 First Avenue (at E.
24th St.) $5 students / $10 general admission. Info:
Schmios2003 at yahoo.com
Friday, April 11, 7 pm - Illegal Art Video at the Lost Film Fest.
Carrie and Alexandra will be there "representing." 4014 Walnut St
(the corner of 40th and Walnut)
Sunday, May 18, Illegal Art Video @ River Gods (125 River Street, Cambridge)
Hosted by Subliminal Propaganda Institute.
Washington, DC >>
Illegal Art Exhibit @ Resource Center for Activism & Arts, April 29
thur June 7. Opening is Friday, May 2, 6 pm. Admission is free (1611
Connecticut Ave, NW Suite 200; Dupont Circle Metro, Q Street exit;
Hours are Tu, W, F: 11am to 7 pm; Thur 11 am to 9 pm; Sat. 11 am to 4
pm; closed Sun. and Mon.)
San Francisco >>
Illegal Art Exhibit @ SF MOMA Artists Gallery in July 2003
More information about the Stayfree