Austin, Roger D.
rda at rti.org
Wed Jun 12 12:08:01 EDT 2002
Prospective platform items for the geek presidential campaign:
Ban all telemarketing and spam.
Bring back corporal punishment, but limit it to use on politicians.
Make Duke's mayonnaise the official, national mayonnaise. Make it a crime
to put mayonnaise on meat products like hotdogs or bologna. (Mayonnaise
always should go on vegetable products like tomatoes or onions, mustard was
meant to go on meat products.)
Design a national broadband system for coverage for all citizens and public
Ban power steering and automatic transmissions in cars. If people actually
had to actively drive rather than point an automobile, life on the highway
would be much simpler.
Ban the use of cell phones except in isolation. Make it a felony to talk on
a cell phone in a restaurant or in the restroom stall next to me.
Make TV stations randomize commercial times so when you switch channels you
don't get commercials on all of them at once.
Make brewing bad beer a felony. (I will decide what is good/bad.)
Make people pay a fine if they drink sweet, white wines and/or talk funny.
Reduce or eliminate taxes on dark chocolate and good sausages.
Reduce property taxes and replace them with taxes on white bread and
individually wrapped cheese slices. This is what most kids eat so it would
shift the costs to parents who would purchase those products.
Bring back cool cartoons like Danger Mouse and Duck Man.
Ban banks charging for the use of ATMs to access your own account.
Anyone else got any additional platform ideas for the campaign? Matusiak,
what cabinet position would you like?
> -----Original Message-----
> From: David R. Matusiak [mailto:matusiak at speakeasy.net]
> Sent: Wednesday, June 12, 2002 10:29 AM
> To: InterNetWorkers
> Subject: [internetworkers] RE: Telemarketer Bill
> ROGER AUSTIN FOR PRESIDENT!!
> you heard it here first!
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