[Homestead] Give up the dream? My dilemma
lurine at softcom.net
Sun Nov 23 14:35:02 EST 2008
BTDT. Ended up hated him and being angry, to some extent, at the kids. A
miserable mom is not a good mom!
Also, just a question. You say "it turns out my daughter and son want to
move back too." Has your husband been promoting this with them? That would
Since you say that it will take awhile for your DH to find a job, I'd live
in the moment. You already figured that your daughter and DH would be
moving back for her senior year at highschool. I'd plan accordingly and get
everything as set up as possible and then just say farewell to the hubby.
Since your kids would appear to be in p.s., then I'd also tell DH that you
aren't going to pull the kids out of school in the middle of a school year.
Can you get the house finished or finished enough for you to live in by next
I'd have a serious sitdown with your son and see if it is just cool for the
moment or if he seriously wants to live back in town. If it's just a "cool
at the moment" thing, then get him involved in pouring that cement slab.
Maybe if you're in the house and he has his cement pad he'll forget the idea
of moving and be happy where he is.
BTW, youngest says you need more than a cement slab. You need a rail and a
ramp. Of course, two ramps, one on each end of the cement slab, would be
best. She says a skateboarder won't leave a home that has cement slab with
a rail and a ramp.<g>
And to answer James' question in his e-mail. Those of us who have moved
back to make other people happy or been out voted or whatever the heck you
call it, when the homestead was a true dream, a soul need, we've been
miserable! At best you tread water. If it is just a dream and you've never
lived the dream, it isn't as bad but once you've had the dream. Well, I
sure don't recommend it!
----- Original Message -----
From: "roxann" <roxann at ancientearthwisdom.com>
> My husband is calling it quits. It is too hard for him out here. He wants
> to move back down to Louisiana where his older daughter and grand-daughter
> lives. She and I are not the best of friends. She's been guilt tripping my
> husband since we left, trying to make him move back home. Now it turns out
> that my daughter (16) and son (12) also want to move back. They all think
> it is too hard to try and make a homestead and live on less money. Well,
> my youngest just wants some concrete to skateboard on, which I'm planning
> to pour where the old house stood once we finished the new house. My
> feelings on this is that if my husband would have gotten our house built
> sooner, and built a simpler house, the comfort level here would have been
> so much more tolerable and they would not have wanted so badly to leave.
> As it is, we've been living in an old house that is barely above deer camp
> comfort for 3 years and winter is here and it's cold, and we're still in
> this old house.
> It's 4 a.m. and I just went outside and spent some time in the new house
> we're building to try and sort things out. I can't even imagine leaving it
> and never even spending one night in the new house. I can't imagine not
> waking up and stepping out onto the porch to have coffee and watch the
> sunrise and birds wake up in the mornings. I can't imagine selling off my
> horses, chickens and dogs. I just can't imagine not being here. But I also
> can't imagine how lonely it might be if my kids AND my husband left. Well,
> I can imagine that easier than leaving. And that's the problem. What kind
> of person does it make me if I'm willing to let them go without me? I'd be
> choosing my own dream over their happiness. How much importance does my
> own happiness matter when it comes to ethical/moral decisions like this?
> It hurts so bad to be this close to finally living my dreams and then be
> forced to choose between my dreams and my family.
> At any rate, I'm not going to make a choice right now. My husband still
> has to find a job down there. He hasn't been working in 7 years, so i
> imagine that it will not be easy. If he does get one, then I'm still not
> quitting my own job right away to move because I want to at least finish
> this house and spend one night in it. Plus, in these economic times who
> knows which companies will fold and which will stand? I like having a job
> right now. Which will mean spending at least one year away from the
> family. By that time, maybe my youngest will decide to come home and my
> daughter will be in college. My oldest is dead set on staying in this
> area, so he'd still be here, but he's 22 and looking to get married and
> start his own life. I'd let him build here, but it really is too far out
> to be practical for a young couple trying to get started, so they need a
> house closer to pavement to make working more economical. And my husband
> has been dead set against having any of the kids build
> here. We disagree on so many issues and I'm so angry with my husband at
> this point that I don't care what he decides to do.
> But I just wanted to hear some other opinions on the moral issue of
> letting the family go while I stay behind to try and get this homestead
> functioning on my own. Would you stay or would you hang it all up and go?
> I know for a fact I will not be happy on a soul-level if I go, however I'm
> sure I would eventually find some way to live a semi-satisfied life. thing
> is, this dream is not a passing fancy of mine, it's been with me since
> childhood. Not sure what it will do emotionally to get this close and walk
> away. Not sure of the same when it comes to letting kids leave without me.
> I hate this choice! I would rather have never gotten so close :(
> Roxann, NW AR
> http://blog.ancientearthwisdom.com (Ozark Musings from the homestead)
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