[Homestead] New political party's candidate "came out of nowhere"
genegerue at ruralize.com
Fri Jun 20 19:14:31 EDT 2008
Federal officials are still trying to figure out how it came to be.
There is a new political party and a new presidential candidate. But
nobody is sure where the party or the candidate came from. Election
officials contacted by CNN, MSNBC, ABC, XYZ, UPS and Huffington Post
unanimoulsy said: "All the proper papers are in the file, everything
is in order, but nobody here can remember handling any of this."
The Truth Party, as it is called, appears to have limited membership.
The party's candidate is Jesse Crost, a pleasant man with straight
teeth, a crooked smile and long hair. McCain and Obama campaign top
officials, speaking on the condition of anonymity because their jobs
may be on the line, are desperately scrambling for information on the
new rival. When questioned by reporters who cornered him in a bank in
St. Louis, where he was observed speaking sternly to bank officials,
Jesse gave his primary experience as a carpenter and a shepherd. He
said that his platform is simple: we should treat each other as we
would like to be treated. He appeared surprised when asked for
examples of how this would affect the country.
When pressed about his career background, Jesse suggested that the
reporters look at the All Brothers and Sisters Orphanage in Zanoni,
Missouri. The reporters reported difficulty finding this place in the
wild Ozarks, which turned out to consist of a tiny post office in the
end of a small, defunct country store and the orphanage, in a pasture
to the south. Reporters fanned out into the countryside to ask locals
about the orphanage and its builder. "Darndest thing," drawled Seth
Morrison, chewing on a willow twig, "that there building seems lak it
went up overnight. I never saw nuthin lak it. That guy can really put
things together fast." Ozark County Presiding Commissioner, David
Luna, said he and his fellow commissioners love the guy. "He came in
to the office here in the courthouse and made a few suggestions and, I
tell you it was amazing, within a couple weeks all our county debt was
gone." Asked if he would be voting for Crost in the general election,
Luna looked down, scratched the floor with his toe and allowed as how
he had always voted Republican, and "McCain suffered a lot for our
country and I think we should repay him."
Jesse Crost is a mystery. After following Crost around for several
days, journalists reported that he is not married but does have female
friends. Tina Rarintigo broke the story late Thursday that Crost and a
known prostitute were seen sipping tea together and sitting close to
Asked where his campaign funding is coming from, Crost reportedly
said, "I don't need any. Dad said he would give me some if I thought I
needed it, but I just don't think that spending gold to become a
leader makes sense. If the people want me, I'm available."
Investigative reporters for the Washington Post said they have thus
far been unable to locate the senior Mr. Crost. Jesse said his father,
"travels a lot."
A joint New York Times-Wall Street Journal-Christian Science Monitor
poll found limited support for Crost. Ninety-four percent of
evangelicals said they believe Crost is gay, is a full-blown socialist
and would be soft on foreign policy.
Pollsters said the predominate reactions they received were along the
lines of a statement by Mary Manson of New Hebrides, Pennsylvania, who
said, "There's just something fishy about that guy."
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